Gentle Reader -- You are welcome to peruse my web-based journal. I assure you that my contributions to this medium will be both infrequent and inconsequential. Read on!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

To all who celebrate. posted by Carlton at 12:22 AM

LOTT'S OUT

But, interestingly enough, still a U.S. Senator.

And I hear that his wife was turned into a pillar of salt. posted by Carlton at 11:54 AM

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

*The Two Towers* ("TTT") has been in theaters for almost an entire day now, and I haven't seen it. What's more, I have no plans to see it until at least Monday. It's out there to be had, and I can't have it. Despair.

Ms. Twink and I have made a deal: After I get back from Mississippi, she and I will sit down and watch *Fellowship* together (previous attempts have gone awry, due to forces beyond our control). If she's interested, we'll go see TTT together. If she isn't, I won't bug her about it any more. I don't demand that she share my geek passions. I didn't insist that we see *Star Trek: Nemesis* (which I may not even see -- that franchise is played, man)

I mean, there's always *Gangs of New York*, right? posted by Carlton at 6:38 PM

THE COUNCIL OF TRENT

Believe it or not, I have some observations about this whole Trent Lott thing. They revolve around the fact that Lott is a politician at the national level from Mississippi.

1. Politician: Trent should know better? Like very other white politician in the South in his generation, he's made his career by speaking in code that white voters understand and black voters ignore. In Strom's day, you could hit an audience with the n-bomb and pick up votes by the bushel basket. Today, we can all thank the Lord that such language has become unacceptable, even though the sentiment has not. What is the sentiment? Whites up, blacks down. It's that simple.

2. National Level: Trent's big problem is that, now that he's a big muckety muck in Washington, people outside of his constituency actually listen to him. Whether or not a senator from Mississippi is enlightened and progressive about racial issues is a different question than the same one asked about the Senate Majority Leader. Sure he's made the same remark before, perhaps several times. The difference was that no one cared if he was a redneck when he was just one of a hundred. Now that he's NUMBER one of a hundred, it's a little different.

3. Mississippi: Let's face it: It's pretty difficult to find a 60-ish white man from Mississippi who doesn't have some pretty backward ideas about race. Trent gets on my nerves, really, and he seems to be politically tone deaf (case in point, and anyone remember Jim Jeffords?), but he's just a product. Maybe the next generation of senator from Mississippi will be as much better than Trent as Trent is better than Strom. Mississippi needs a strong senator (it needs a lot of things), and it needs to confront its racial divisions. As reluctant as I am to say it, Trent needs to stay if only to be an emblem of what lies beneath the surface. Putting somebody else in his chair would just be painting over the rot.

Finally: Trent? Thad? Strom? Carlton? Where do Southerners GET these names? posted by Carlton at 6:04 PM

MORE RANDOMNESS

1. I'm sure everyone is waiting to hear what I have to say about Al Gore deciding not to run this time. I'm disappointed, (though not as much as these folks) but I understand why he might have made this decision. I also understand why he might have made the decision the other way, which I wish he would have done. I hope he stays in the public eye, however -- maybe he's best suited to be a gadfly to the current administration than a candidate. He was funny on SNL as Trent Lott!

2. Speaking of Trent, I am about to bust a gut laughing at what has happened to him. The Southern political watchword of the last 30 years or so (my life, basically) has been this: Keep It Quiet. Trent Lott is a racist, segregationist throwback mutant? KIQ. Mississippi has literacy, infant mortality and human rights statistics equivalent to some former Soviet republics? KIQ. My hometown's once fine school district has gone to hell for the SOLE reason that the white parents think the racial makeup of the school their children attend is more important than its quality? KIQ. The Southerners I have spoken to on this issue are very disappointed in Trent -- that he said what he said OUT LOUD. "Such bad publicity," they say. "This makes us look terrible."

Friends, we ARE terrible. Let it all hang out and maybe something will change.

3. Still no update about the anonymous mail. I'm guessing that this (dumb) mystery will remain unsolved. So . . . OK.
(A shout-out to my dear and beautiful friend who is officially no longer a suspect -- you weren't the only person I asked!)

posted by Carlton at 4:28 PM

MAMA SPELL

I just received a copy of "Stories With No Morals", the new CD by my friend Sharon Spell. Sharon is an old, old acquaintance of mine, and it has been a blast from the past to get aload of her website.

Let me tell you about my relationship with Sharon (d/b/a "Mama") Spell. Sharon and I were best friends long about Junior High School. Our parents were friends, our brothers and sisters were friends (to varying degrees), and we were friends. We hung around together, we went to (and made fun of) church together. We were two kids who didn't quite fit in with the world but who got along with each other. We made each other laugh, we enjoyed many of the same cultural artifacts, etc. I really liked Sharon, and I think its fair to say that she liked me. She was always a very talented artist, while I was mostly talented at cracking wise.

Somewhere in there, we had a falling out. Once we made it into high school, we were pretty much on the outs all the time. Exactly why that was the case is difficult to pin down -- I'm sure I did some insensitive things, and I tried to go out with almost every single one of her friends at one time or another (all of whom, wisely, rejected me). Sharon had some hard times; she had a serious accident, and she still feels the effects (see her page for that story; it's hers, not mine). But kids are selfish -- it's hard to be very empathetic when you're wrapped up in your own tiny world.

Eventually, we reached the point where we couldn't stand each other, with the acrimony that only former friends can have. We went to college together, in our same little hometown. As luck would have it, we even had some of the same friends (Greg, for example). There was a long time when we wouldn't even speak to each other, even if we ended up sitting at the same table in the dining hall. One of us would ask to pass the salt, the other would sit there, stone-faced, staring at the table.

The next phase was perhaps even worse: we made up. Sometime around our junior year, we had this excruciating Conversation of Reconciliation on the telephone, in which we agreed that this had gone on for too long, and that we should at least be civil to one another. That started our Cold War of politeness, when we would go out of our way to be nice to one another. There was this class that she needed notes for, so I made a point of giving her mine, and she made a point of retuning them to me in a timely manner, and there was much "thank you!" and "how nice!" to be spread around. It was awful.

Then I left Hattiesburg, and she left Hattiesburg as well. I ended up as a lawyer in Boston. Sharon is a performance artist/comedienne/singer in Pittsburgh. She's married to a man I hear (through my mom, who knows her mom) is very nice. She has just produced an album (comedy? music?), which I have just received; I haven't yet been able to listen to it.

What's the point of all this? Simply put, I wish her well. I'm sorry we couldn't get along -- I think it may be that we were too much alike.

Update: The "Hattiesburg Song" was certainly a hoot! It cracked me up. posted by Carlton at 7:15 PM

OUTAGE

I arrived home last night to find that I had no electricity. It was late, and I had been rained on and blown about by gusts of our finest wind. I was in no mood for this.
So, I checked the breakers, which were in their normal position. I called the power company, which is called N*Star (formerly Boston Edison?).

"I have no power," I said to the woman. She asked my phone number, and my address. Then she asked for my Social Security number, and my employer's name.
"Why do you want to know all this?" I asked.
"You're applying for credit so we can open an account for you." She said. "We turned off the power because there was no name on that account."
"Whose name used to be on it?" I asked. The woman said the name of my former tenant, who lived in the place for six months before me.

Friends, I have been living in this apartment for NINETEEN MONTHS without paying electricity bills. What's more, I never received any bills, or any notices of any kind. Maybe I should have checked, but it honestly never occurred to me to check up on bills that I never received.

There should be power at my place now, I hope. I had to get dressed by flashlight this morning.

ANONYMOUS UPDATE

No news. I wish someone would let me in on the little joke . . .

posted by Carlton at 7:13 PM

TO MY MYSTERIOUS CORRESPONDANT

Thank you for the postcards! I have no way of really knowing whether they are from one person or two, since the handwriting differs on both cards, and the writing on the envelope that one came in is in yet a third hand. I think of you as one person, however, and a thoughtful one!

I appreciate the photo and quote from Nelson Mandela -- I too would like for this to be a season of peace. And of course, the picture of the Buff-bellied Hummingbird, native of the Rio Grande Valley of South Texas (where this card was evidently posted) is most impressive. He's small but fierce, you can tell! And I can always use the encouragement that you offer, to work hard and fly straight! Good advice, good advice!

(Yes, friends, I am receiving anonymous postcards. Yes, this is a little freaky.) posted by Carlton at 8:45 PM

DEFINITIONS

Twink: What . . . you mean, other than this?

And a shout out to Danny Mo, while we're at it! posted by Carlton at 10:30 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS

To Greg, whom I cannot call, and to Marcia, whom I called but cannot reach. posted by Carlton at 5:46 PM

A MASTERPIECE OF SCHOLARSHIP AND PROSE

"ARTICLE 1. I give and bequeath all my tangible personal property to my wife, Sally Sue Smith, if she survives me or, if she fails to survive me, in substantially equal shares to those of my sons who survive me, the spouses who survive me of any of my sons who fail to survive me and, if the spouse of any such son also fails to survive me, the issue who survive me of any such son who fails to survive me, such issue to take by right of representation the share such deceased son would have taken had such son survived me."

Yeah, baby. posted by Carlton at 1:29 PM

RANDOM NOTES

It is snowing here in Massachusetts. It is supposed to snow all night, and make it difficult to get around in the morning. Some of the night staff at my firm didn't make it in because of the weather. Fascinating to all you folks out there in Colorado, Wisconsin and Indiana, probably buried under six feet of snow right now.

My brother (Kris) and his girlfriend (Chris) were in town last week. They were only in Boston for one day only, so they chose to go out sightseeing in the blinding snow. Neither of them had a hat or gloves. Neither had brought a decent coat. It was 67 degrees in Hattiesburg yesterday.

Everyone should notice that I have links (!) off to the left under my archives. Why it took me almost a year to figure out how to do that, I don't know. This is just one small step in my plan of world-domination . . .
(Greg, I'd link to your page if you just posted every now and then!) My internet life is really pretty boring, I guess. As is my regular life! I'm so dull, I expect the gears in my brain to just grind to a halt any second now.

I'm pleased to say that Ms. Twink is back from London. It was a tough week without her. I have come to rely very heavily on her company, considering the short time that we've been together. I expect the whole business to come to a crashing halt any day now. (Actually, our contract is up for renewal Saturday night at midnight . . . I just hope we don't have a strike on our hands!)

Al Gore in '04: Check
Christmas '02 in Mississippi: Check posted by Carlton at 11:03 PM

NAIVETE?

Someone (and I'm naming no names -- Nichole) has been running down my boy Al Gore. Actually, there are a lot of people running down Al Gore these days, which I think is just a shame. About 6 years ago, I heard him speak in Nashville, and at that time I decided that Al would one day be president of the United States. During that speech, he was everything that he failed to be during the 2000 campaign -- at ease, charismatic, funny. He even did an Elvis impression.

I think it was a crime what happened to Al during the 2000 campaign -- but I have to admit, Mr. Gore was at least an accessory to that crime. He let the other side paint a picture of him, and he had to keep comparing himself to that picture. The media was to blame of course, but in the same way that the loaded gun is to blame for the murder. The media didn't kill Al, Al killed Al. He looked bad, very bad. The media is a monster with no brain -- but it knows juicy fresh meat when it smells it. The media goes to the candidate who can serve up the bloodiest steak. Al was serving up tofu pups.

Here's where my naivete comes in. I believe that the media has been unfair to Al Gore, not because on any inherent bias to the right or left, but because of superior politicking (potlicking?) on the part of the Plutocrats. I have this faith, however, that if a major party candidate gets up in front of the mic and says something, expresses a clear message that everyone can understand and most people can agree with, the people of this country will hear the message and make up their own minds. The television talking heads are the little yapping dogs of journalism -- they jump on the dog that's down only after he's down. If a strong candidate comes out of the Democratic party such as I've described, we will be surprised at how quickly the winds will begin to blow in the other direction.

And maybe that candidate is Al Gore. I'd like for it to be. posted by Carlton at 10:09 PM

THE THING IS

I have spent yesterday and today doing a lot of writing, which I haven't done in a long time. For a while now, I have wanted to get back into doing something creative, but had a hard time settling on what. I have chunks of several pieces of fiction laying around; if they were cars, they would be up on blocks in my front yard. My poetry is embarassingly bad -- not even I want to read it. I spend all day in front of the computer, for one reason or another -- it is difficult to come home and crank out anything voluntary. Writing in this space is often a challenge. So, we'll see.

The writing I did today is, of course, crap. You have to let the tap run for a little while before you drink. posted by Carlton at 7:10 PM

HUH

Looks like this site comes up as hit number SIX under a Dogpile search for "woman's vest". WTF? posted by Carlton at 11:12 AM