Gentle Reader -- You are welcome to peruse my web-based journal. I assure you that my contributions to this medium will be both infrequent and inconsequential. Read on!

NOW IT CAN BE TOLD

So my good friend from law school, Jennifer S., who has been toiling away in exile in New Jersey, has gotten an offer at a firm in Boston! That's great for Jenn, and for all of us who know her. She will evidently be moving here in the near future. (It's also very unusual in this job climate for anyone to find a job, anywhere.)

Some of us were discussing the story of a 3L (third year law student) who recently died. Somebody said, "That sucks to get so close to the end and not finish." It shows the myopia of lawyers that the appropriate response didn't come to me until later: He's dead, you idiot! It's not that he doesn't get to graduate! He doesn't get to do anything, ever again! posted by Carlton at 11:38 AM

APARTMENT STUFF

I got a bed. And a dresser. And a nightstand. And I actually have a functioning closet. And I have WIRELESS INTERNET at my apartment. And I did all my laundry. Almost all the cardboard boxes are empty (or under the bed). And I hung something on the wall. And I took out two weeks of trash.

I have been living like an animal. An animal, I tell you. posted by Carlton at 7:07 PM

(SIGH)

So, I've been nosing about, trying to figure out who has been sending me these anonymous postcards -- the last one came to my work, which I have to say isn't cool. So, I've been contacting people further and further afield -- especially ones who might think I have "wronged" them in some way.

My latest response (excerpt):

I guess I don't understand why it would even cross
your mind to write and say hello. Was there something
pleasant about our last interactions that I missed?
While I bear you no ill will, and certainly wish you
well, I wasn't left with an especially high opinion of
you.

Doesn't sound like SHE'S obsessed with me, does it? posted by Carlton at 9:56 AM

THE SECOND BOOK OF UGH

Here's what I was talking about before:

Evangelical charities with an overt hostility to Islam are preparing to distribute food, water, medicine and building materials in Iraq, all in the name of Jesus.

One of the charities, Samaritan's Purse, is run by Franklin Graham, the son of the evangelist Billy Graham, who declared after the 11 September attacks that Islam was "a very evil and wicked religion". Another is the Southern Baptist Convention, whose former president once described the Prophet Mohamed as "a demon-possessed paedophile". About 800 of SBC's volunteers are reported to be on their way to Iraq to deliver food packages labelled with a verse from St John's Gospel, in Arabic, saying that "grace and truth were realised through Jesus Christ".
posted by Carlton at 9:30 AM

MAN ________'S DOG

Hapless AP reporter: I'm sorry, I didn't think I was going to talk about "man on dog" with a United States senator, it's sort of freaking me out.

This Rick Santorum is generating a lot of interesting press. More here.

posted by Carlton at 9:05 AM

UGH

As many of you know, I was brought up in the Southern Baptist church, which had both positive and negative effects on me. The positives were less spiritual than social and cultural -- the people in the church were generally a caring lot, and looked after me when I needed it and when I didn't. I did a lot of reading of the Bible, which is both a good book and the Good Book. I got some training in how to sing (to no avail, most would agree), I was given a couple of opportunities to speak in front of a group, which was terrifying but a good thing to do. I also learned some basic things about how a television studio works. I was in church most Sunday mornings, Sunday nights and Wednesday nights. Kept me off the streets, I guess.

Spiritually and theologically, the Southern Baptist Convention makes my skin crawl. I find as I get older that I wince whenever it comes up in conversation. Whenever they come forth with one of their edicts ("Convert all the Jews!" "Women should submit!") it hurts me. I'm convinced that they, like a lot of Middle America, have become much more conservative as I have personally become more liberal. And then there's this hinky rhetoric about your "relationship with Jesus", as if you and Jesus can sit down and hash it out over some banana bread and coffee.

And now they are INVADING IRAQ. I would link but I can't bear to read about it. posted by Carlton at 3:16 PM

THE ROOMMATE STORY

A while back, I mentioned that I was going to intrerview a potential roommate to live with me in my new pad in JP and help me pay the mortgage. A friend did a little advertising for me at work and turned up a young woman who seemed to be what I was looking for (in a roommate): had a job, going to school, described self as "quiet", not a smoker, no pets. We emailed back and forth, and set up a time to meet so I could show the place. I cleaned out the spare room, but all my dirty clothes out of sight, and gave the kitchen and bathroom a spongedown.

First, her father had a heart attack, so she had to go back to Buffalo --ok, unfortunate, beyond control, force majeure kind of thing (although she didn't call me to say she wasn't coming -- grr.).

So we set up another time. Disposed of dirty clothes, sponged kitchen and bath, etc. At the appointed time, she called to say that she'd had a flat tire "in the ghetto" and couldn't make it. We had the following exchange:

Me: Does your car have a spare?
Her: Maybe. Yes.
Me: Can you change a tire?
Her: Be serious.

Add this to the mental picture I had of a young woman standing by a disabled car and saying loudly into a cell phone, "I've had a flat in the ghetto! I don't know where I am!" Not too smart, I thought.

I called my friend, who was just leaving work in a cab. She directed the cab to go by where this woman said she was stranded. My friend verified that she was actually stranded, and that the young woman had called a male friend to assist her. My friend: "He was trying to jack up the front of the car with her sitting in the driver's seat!" Not too smart, I thought.

Since this was a legitimate, if unimpressive, excuse, we arranged for ANOTHER time to meet.

This time, she didn't show up. Didn't call. Didn't respond to my emails. Could be dead. Her father could be ill again. Could have just lost interest. Could have been abducted by cultists. I just don't know.

So it goes . . .
posted by Carlton at 5:17 PM

I'M JUST SAYIN'

I just want to get this off of my chest: If Iraq a) was such a push-over that the whole country just gave up after a couple of weeks, b) didn't have any super-secret terror missiles to shoot at us, and c) didn't have any bio-chemical weapons to throw at our troops then IT WASN'T A THREAT TO OUR NATIONAL SECURITY. Is this a paradox? If they were stong enough to be a threat, we wouldnt have attacked them, even in self-defense (see North Korea). They were weak, so we attacked them, but they weren't threatening us. Makes my eyes roll back in my head, just thinking about it.

Other news:
I may have found a buyer for my apartment, by the way. That was fast. The actual transaction will take a month or so, of course.
I may be able to get my car as early as July.
Sherry's Seder was boss!


posted by Carlton at 12:45 PM

MOVING, CONTINUED

So, this weekend we finished moving Molly to her new place, which wasn't any more of an ordeal than it had to be. The sun even came out for our second trip. She has a very nice little apartment pretty close to the center of the universe (which I define as the J.P. Licks on Centre Street) and not too far from my new place or her old place, where her sister and other friends still live. The most harrowing part was when Molly, Keith (Man with a Van!) and I were hauling Molly's bedframe up to the third floor with a rope thrown over the balcony, and Molly's neighbor picked just that moment to stop by and ask if we had seen some of her belongings that she had left on the landing. Our beads of sweat and vein-popping foreheads (and the fact that I hauled a BED over the railing while she was standing there) didn't quite clue the neighbor in that this might have been a bad time. C'est la vie.

Molly has really been my hero throughout all this. She was a trouper about my move, which took a lot longer and was much more inconvenient (because I had to make many many more trips in the Zipcar station wagon all the way across town). She's consented to hang out at my apartment even though I have only one suitable piece of furniture. I'm really excited about her new place, which is all the more exciting since she found it so unexpectedly: "You have any places available for the fall?" "Well no, but I have this [fabulous, super-cheap] studio that you can have RIGHT NOW if you jump on it." As some have noted, I am something of a PLANNER -- surprises like that get me all unsettled. But this is a good kind of surprise.

Speaking of plans and ordeals: I'm in the process of attempting to sell the old place -- my cheesebox studio in Allston. Interest has thus far been lackluster -- I'm sure that I have counted my chickens (oh, so many times) before they hatch. I'll be sure to keep you all updated. This is certain to be stressful. posted by Carlton at 7:18 PM

TRADING SPACES WITH SADDAM

Another showed a buxom woman chained to a barren desert mountain ledge, with a huge dragon diving down to kill her with sharpened talons.

So, where can I order a print? posted by Carlton at 1:38 PM

ROOMMATES

So, I'm interviewing a possible roommate tonight -- some hypothetical person that may live in my spare room and hypothetically help me pay my mortgage. This is a very strange process -- I've never had the option of selecting a roommate before. I have to spill the beans about my sleepwalking, I'm afraid, a topic that has filled former female housemates with fear and loathing.

I have grown accustomed to living by myself -- but it just doesn't make any sense, what with the mortgage being big, and the spare room being empty.

Wish me luck. posted by Carlton at 7:07 PM

ANXIOUS

I was anxious, somewhat irrationally, about losing my job due to the recent merger -- noise was made about "extensive review" of the staffing of our department. I was thus anxious for a while -- as late as this month. I am now somewhat less anxious -- I don't think they are going to fire me in the next few months, put it that way. After the first of the year, I think I will probably have more opportunities out on the job front, anyway -- there seems to be a big difference between being a third-year associate and a second-year associate, for some reason (I actually become a third-year in September, but I like to put myself on the calendar system). Still, I am currently very well positioned -- I like my co-workers, and in this department I have the opportunity to observe and participate in some really sophisticated work.
And, you know, it pays ok.

I found out from my source in Indiana -- hi Katie! -- that some of my classmates in grad school are dissertating right now. If I had stayed, that's where I would be in life. It's tough to imagine. posted by Carlton at 7:07 PM

WELL, NOW THAT THAT IRAQ THING IS ALL SORTED OUT

Some blogger I read today had a good analogy for the way I feel about the war: Asking me whether I support the troops is like asking me which team I want to win when I opposed building the stadium as a waste of money that could be better spent on public schools and prenatal care. Of course I'm glad the regime has fallen as easily as it has. Of course I'm glad that our soldiers are in less danger than they were during the big fighting. Of course Saddam was a bad guy and everyone is glad that he's gone. But it did take longer than was predicted, it will cost more than anyone has estimated, and the stated reasons for it were pretty clearly not the real ones, since now it doesn't seem to matter whether we find any WMDs or not, or whether we get Saddam or not -- who can worry about that when there's Syria RIGHT THERE, crouched like a panther, a clear threat to our national security, just begging to get its ASS KICKED. Right?

I wonder if Saddam, Osama and the WMDs are all out there in some gray limbo -- I'm picturing the Legion of Doom Headquarters. When this is all over, how many of these dead/alive villains will be out there with their real/fake, lost/found nuclear/chemical/biological weapons? They are probably sitting there wondering how they are going to get the uranium they bought from Niger onto those long-range rocket drones without those reinforced aluminim tubes. That's got to be tough.

On the bright side, John Kerry kicked a little ass himself this week. Go John. Don't get all complex on us, now. (It's OK to BE complex, just don't TALK complex -- until after you are President.) posted by Carlton at 6:54 PM

JOHN KEEGAN AND I WERE JUST DISCUSSING

. . . Stalingrad. posted by Carlton at 5:01 PM

LIFE DURING WARTIME

I am living out of boxes and suitcases, sleeping on a futon (that I bought from Emily Deschanel) that I have used as a couch for the past two years. There are three rooms in my apartment that contain no furniture at all.

So, with the help of my good friend Berksie, I may have found a roommate. She put up a post on her firm's internal email, and two people responded. Both happen to be women.

I like women, generally get along with them well -- better than with men, most of the time. I've had female housemates -- Sherry, Nichole, the aforementioned Emily, etc. I've never had just ONE housemate that was a woman. So, why does this concern me? posted by Carlton at 6:45 PM

BAGHDAD

So . . . we thought that Baghdad would be Paris, but it wasn't. What will it be? Stalingrad? Grozny? Let's hope not.

I'm betting that, in the long run, it will be a lot like Belfast.

I guess that we'll see . . . posted by Carlton at 6:38 PM

WHITESPLOITATION

In other news -- not the war, not the tax cut, not anything to do with W -- in the past few weeks I have managed to see the following three comedies: *Barbershop*, "Bringing Down the House* and *Head of State*. *Barbershop* was a light, funny movie -- it didn't aim to be gut-bustingly hilarious, and it wasn't, but there were characters, and these characters interacted with each other in realistic ways that I (and most everyone who saw the movie, it seems) thought were funny. More than anything else, it reminded me of a pilot for a pretty decent TV show.

*House* was a funny movie, although I wouldn't recommend anyone go out and watch it in the theater. At the same time, there were some jarring moments, and some things that just didn't really make sense -- like the implication that a bodacious black woman's mere presence in a stuffy law firm would cost a lawyer his job . . . or get him in trouble somehow? Or that law firm partners would even CARE who an unmarried lawyer (partner? associate?) was fooling around with on his own time, black or not? Anyway, it was funny, but not good. Eugene Levy cracked me up.

*State* was a terrible, terrible movie. It wasn't funny, the plot made no sense, all these characters who WEREN'T Chris Rock and Bernie Mac had lots and lots of scenes that were dull, dull, dull. Seeing this movie is a waste of your time.

What these movies all have in common, however, is this: a very poor understanding of white people. There is one white character in *Barbershop*, who is roundly criticized for trying to "act black" -- he adopts hip-hop mannerisms, clothes, has a black girlfriend, etc. He turns out to be OK in the end, but only by proving that he can fit into the black "universe". His attempt to do so was, at least, entertaining.

The other two movies failed, in my opinion, to the extent that they had white characters in them. In *House*, Steve Martin had his moments as the put-upon suburban guy trying to keep up appearances, and Betty White was very funny as an overtly racist neighbor -- but in any scene in which two white characters attempted to have a conversation with each other, the movie fell flat. The screenwriter (whoever it was) couldn't come up with anything funny or intelligent or even natural for these characters to say to each other. The only good scenes with white people in them had them interacting with the black characters -- usually profoundly shocked by their behavior or, as mentioned, their very presence. *State* was more and worse.

It's funny to watch, simply because it's the reverse of what happened for so many years with black characters. Avery Brooks once said in an interview that he stopped auditioning for movies because all of the available parts were called "Pimp in Pink Hat" or something similar. The same is true here, I think.

Just my ruminations.

posted by Carlton at 6:49 PM