Gentle Reader -- You are welcome to peruse my web-based journal. I assure you that my contributions to this medium will be both infrequent and inconsequential. Read on!

TOO TRUE

I know EVERYONE reads the Chronicle of Higher Education, but I thought I'd point out this column by a pseudonymous TA talking about his obsession with his students' opinion of his physical attractiveness.

I have to say that, when I taught, I was more concerned with THEIR physical attractiveness, and that I was mostly single, pathetic and horny during that time. At both of the institutions where I taught (Indiana University and this dodgy place in Budapest), the weather worked for me in the fall and against me in the spring. In the fall, the women would show up in their warm-weather clothes, which I was used to seeing on the street at that time, and gradually would wear more and more clothing to class. In the spring, by contrast, we would start out in sweaters and coats, but there would be ONE DAY in which every ninetyeen year-old girl in the class would show up with NOTHING ON, which would continue until the end. I'm sure I started and stared and acted like a perv; I am a perv.

I will say that I only ever had one incident involving something even remotely improper with a student. This girl, Kristi, lingered after class while I was packing everything up and started this conversation with me about how she "wanted to start doing things that she would regret later." Luckily for me, she wasn't the kind of girl I would have wanted to act improperly with, and I hmmed my way out of it. I think she was embarassed, and she never spoke to me again. And of course, I'm not even sure exactly what she meant. posted by Carlton at 2:36 PM

I WOULD HAVE CALLED IT A 'SMIDGE'

Meet the zeptogram. posted by Carlton at 12:57 AM

THE TERRY SCHIAVO MATTER

Answered in her own words. posted by Carlton at 7:52 PM

THE TELEVISION WILL NOT BE REVOLUTIONIZED

So, I've had some time off, lately, and with time off comes a natural increase in time in front of the tube. I don't watch as much as I might, but more than I probably ought, et cetera ad infinitum.

Back when I was single (oh, the memories!), I would go on dates in which my opposite number was very curious about what I watched. One even asked me, "What are your shows?" as though she were asking whether I intended to raise my children in the Zoroasteran religion.

It's an important thing, I guess. Know the right shows and you can join in a conversation at any cocktail soiree. I had a friend once from another country who I was convinced learned about Friends just to fit in.

So, here are my shows:

DEADWOOD

I can't say enough about this one, which paradoxically means I can't say much of anything. I've been sucked in, folded, spindled and mutilated by this show. It's not just the violence, nudity, adult language and situations (although they help), but the script and performances by everyone involved (with the possible exception of Lila the Smokin' Hot Whore) are outstanding. Even putting aside the ostensible leads, Ian McShane and Timothy Olyphant, I am most taken by Brad Dourif, William Sanderson and Robin Weigert (who is an extremely attractrive woman when not Calamity Jane-d). I'm finding this show to be much denser this season than last, which means that if I didn't have the leisure to watch each episode three times, I'd have to quit my job in order to be able to do so.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

This is the show that I don't like to admit that I watch. Not because it's bad, because it is really good. But the TITLE, I mean, saying the TITLE makes me feel like an ENORMOUS DORK. (And you know, I'm extra cool.) It's got all those syllables, and the first word is "battlestar," which is a made up Sci-Fi word. Like, made up by a ten year-old in the backyard with a pink bath towel safety-pinned around his neck like a cape. Once you've run through the minefield of that first word, you get to the second word, which is ANOTHER MADE-UP WORD, only worse. The first word, at least, is based on two regular, innocuous words, and the dorkiness comes from putting them together in an awkward, meant-to-be-cool way (e.g. "weaponlord," "battlemaster," "warsmasher," and so on). But "Galactica" is a made-up word based on the word "galactic," meaning "of the galaxy" . . . and the only people who ever talk about galaxies in daily conversation are giant sci-fi dorks. (Possible exceptions are actual space scientists, although they propbaby fit into the first category as well, and fans of a certain group of New Orleans funksters.) With "galactica," the dorkitude comes in layers.

And don't even try abbreviation. If you refer to the show as "Battlestar," or "Galactica," you are a DORK trying to sound HIP which is the most pathetic thing ever. And if you say "BSG" it sounds like you are warning others off of bad Chinese food. So just say it, and wave your dork-flag proudly.

But that being said, the show is good. Really frakking good. You should check it out, even if you aren't a giant sci-fi dork. (But I know you are.)

LOST

Yeah, yeah, everybody watches Lost. This is the thin thread that connects me to the network television universe. But it's good! Terry O'Quinn is creepy! Emilie de Ravin is adorable!

CARNIVALE (No I'm not even going to try to do the little accent)

This show, man. It's damaged. I watched the first season in a weekend On Demand, which is really the way to see it, and then I watched the second season as it came out, which is NOT the way to see it. Don't wait for it week by week -- it will just frustrate you. Don't think about it too much, and don't expect too much. There are a lot of things I really like about Carnivale, but I am left with an empty feeling now that it's all over (or is it? Ooooh, suspense!). It's pretty (as in well-shot), the acting is good, overall (love Clancy Brown, don't love Clea Duvall so much), it manages to be funny and creepy, with fun dialogue and a lot of effective period stuff (music and wallpaper spring to mind), and it's got an intriguing world-view underlying the whole thing. (And I really appreciated the character of Management, who has unfortunately gone on to that Great Spooky Trailer in the Sky to rejoin his legs and his arm.) But it doesn't add up, somehow. If you've ever met a girl that has all the elements necessary to be really attractive, so that if you described her to your buddy, he'd get really interested (she's tall, with long hair, large breasts, thin but athletic) but somehow just isn't good looking, you've got this show. The whole is less than the sum of its parts.

So that's it, at the moment. I'm sure I'll watch Six Feet Under when it comes back, and the Sopranos, but they are both getting a little gray-haired, and this is the last season for both. Enterprise is now cancelled, but it was off the list long before that happened for being a giant sucking pit of disappointment.

Starting to watch the British show MI-5 on DVD. Promising! posted by Carlton at 11:25 AM

JOBLESS

So, Scott's got a job, Greg's getting a job (and has to buy big-boy clothes, no less!), Molly's got a job . . . I'm really feeling the peer pressure here.

Luckily, I do have a plan: get a job! I'm zeroing in on a particular entity I'd like to work for -- talking to people, talking to more people, perhaps taking a merry jaunt to talk to still more people. Will all this turn into anything? Well, I guess you could say that I hope so.

Or, I could just stay on the bum. posted by Carlton at 11:12 AM

JUST TESTING

I think I'm going crazy . . . posted by Carlton at 11:06 PM

ON THE BUM

As everyone knows, the above expression is the one that James Stewart's character in the movie Vertigo uses to refer to himself while unemployed. I'm unemployed too, so I think I'll use it! It also sounds vaguely dirty, which is an added plus, since I'm vaguely dirty most of the time these days.

Greg was nice enough to announce my grand re-entrance to the blogosphere. That means I should put something up on the screen I guess. No, I'm happy to do it. It's not a burden, really. ("The price of fame!!!!" he cried into his pillow that night.)

I've been thinking, and this is pretty sketchy, that the U.S. should really stop believing its own hype. Collectively, we seem to have this idea that we are super-powerful and benevolent and moral and generous and wise, and that we are always on the side of good. This is a good image to project, needless to say, although we haven't done a really good job of projecting it recently. But we shouldn't BELIEVE it.

A story from my former life as a trusts and estates attorney: a very senior (semi-retired) partner was drafting some documents for some clients who had a modest fortune -- which could be anywhere from $5-10 million in that world. They were being complete nudges about their documents, however -- constantly changing their minds, insisting on changes in language that they didn't really understand in the first place. And then, on the day of the signing, they raised all kinds of questions which had already been explained to them, and were peripheral in any case. After the signing, the partner was heard to mutter, "The problem with these people is that they think they're rich."

Well you know what, they were rich, according to most people's definition. But they weren't rich enough to be a pain in the ass. Similarly, the U.S. is a powerful country, even in its current weakened state. We aren't so powerful that we can do the impossible, however, and believing that we are is what has caused us to overextend ourselves and lose a great deal of the clout that we enjoyed. Similarly, believing in our own virtue has led us down the path of committing terrible atrocities. Many Americans, even ones highly placed in the government, are caught in that cognative dissonance: WE did it and WE are always good, but torture and war crimes are bad, aren't they? So these must not be war crimes, but look at those pictures! It's distressing.

I'm still convinced that the United States as a country is still in its adolescent stage. Our collective mind hasn't yet made the leap that "good" countries don't always do good things, and that good intentions can be misplaced and that our "help" is not always wanted. When we realize that no one wears a white hat and that we are just as likely to be wrong or misguided as the next guy, and that our power only extends so far into certain spheres, we'll have gone a long way towards being stronger, smarter and more just.

Gosh that's deep. posted by Carlton at 11:10 AM

IT IS AN ANCIENT MARINER

Yeah, whatever. I'm back, at least for a little while. I like to go away and wait just long enough so that everyone has completely forgotten about this little corner of the Internet, then burst back on the scene and cry because no one is reading me. That's what I like to do.

I've done a little updating on the links: please visit Molly's web site, not the same as her old web site, which showcases her "aht" and has a topless picture of her on the front page. Scott and Greg are still there. For new readers (ha!) Greg is a bomb-throwing lefty anticapitalist -- although he'd probably rather collect all the different types of bombs and blog about their various aesthetic characteristics than actually throw them. Scott is a professor of Scott-ism at a college in Utah, and he blogs about his students and his classes and technology and how they all interact at the meta level to prove he is Awesome. I changed the political blogs that I link to just a bit, to reflect what I am reading these days.

So, what's going on with me? Well, about five months ago, I quit my lawyer job all of a sudden. In reality, I had been planning to quit said job for about two and a half years, since about six months after I took it -- but I hadn't been talking about this evil plan very much, so it took a lot of people by surprise. In the interim, I've been sitting on my pooper, drinking Jose Cuervo and watching PPV porn.

In reality, again, I have been writing what will be my first and (probably) only novel, a pile of rubbish that Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time (SLAGIATT) thatI began it, and now I JUST want to finish so that this time will have produced something besides a drain on my savings and a strain on my relationship with Molly, my beloved. I'm pretty close to finishing the first draft.

Aside from that, I've just begun looking for a new job, although I can't seem to figure out what kind of a job I should be looking for. Molly wants to leave Boston, and I'm fine with that, although it's hard to find work in a city where you are not. I recently made a pilgrimage to D.C. for some chats with people, none of whom immediately handed me bars of gold just for showing up.

That's my story. I'd love to hear from all of you about how I AM GREAT. posted by Carlton at 12:18 PM

THREE-PEAT

No, this is not about some basketball tourney that may or may not be going on at the moment. What this is about is that Thomas Haden Church is going to play the villain in Spider-Man 3. Really, it isn't even about that. What's it about? It's about that Frank Sinatra song "That's Life" -- ridin' high in April, shot down in May . . . back on top again in June.

A couple of years ago, THC (heh) was nowhere. He'd had a long running TV gig (Wings, which I watched in syndication, and found funny) and a short-lived TV gig (Ned and Stacey, starring opposite the Goblin Queen). But that was all over in 1995. Since then, he's had small parts in small movies (George of the Jungle 2 and Serial Killing for Dummies are the ones that jump out). The world, if it thought about Thomas Haden Church at all, thought, "That Lowell from 'Wings' was sure a hoot - whatever happened to thet guy?" What happened to him, friends, was this: nothing.

But then Sideways came along, and it looks like Church is the latest recipient of the Travolta Effect -- a mid-career rescue from cameos and nostalgia acts and movies about talking babies ('cause Church would have taken one if, you know, they had offered it to him). Now he's going to be Electro or the Hobgoblin or some other ruffian (personally, I'd like to see the Lizard in the next movie, but they've already cast Dylan Baker as Curt Connors, so I don't see it for THC). Personally, I have trouble seeing him in the supervillain role, but he got it, so somebody with better vision than I must have put them together. That or, he's just the hot new/old thing.

So that's the difference between ruling the road and being the road: one break. One movie where you have a good part that you're suited for and that everyone happens to see will get the right people thinking about you and talking about you and saying, "My God, we have to get this guy for our new project and offer him lot of money before he's totally booked up!" Even if he never works again, Church is likely to have plenty of money after S3, enough so that he can pick and choose his own parts, do theatre . . . or get another sitcom. Go him. posted by Carlton at 11:42 AM

NOW FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

I am breaking my self-imposed radio silence to make sure that all of my readers are exposed to this . . . MOST important development. It answers a lot of questions, really.

link posted by Carlton at 12:07 AM