Gentle Reader -- You are welcome to peruse my web-based journal. I assure you that my contributions to this medium will be both infrequent and inconsequential. Read on!

QUESTIONS

1. How long do we think it will take before we blame al-Quaeda for tricking us into invading Iraq as part of their greater plan to destroy America?

2. How long before our government invokes God in its drive to have us invade Iran?

2A. When will we invade Iran?

3. What percentage of "historical background" news reports on the Iranian hostage crisis will include the fact that the United States overthrew the elected prime minister of Iran and installed the Shah in his place in the 1950s?

4. Assume that all political movements have a natural life cycle, and that at the height of its achievement a movement is already heading towards its own end. With this in mind, at what point will the radical conservative movement of which the current administration is a part "peak out" and head towards its downfall? Has this already happened? (In more current jargon -- when will Bush jump the shark?)

5. Why does Bucky pretend like he doesn't know who I am?

posted by Carlton at 5:58 PM

CRYPTIC REFERENCE DU JOUR

Thanks, America, for putting me at number on of the Utpal Parade of Blogs! posted by Carlton at 2:07 PM

OH YEAH, FRANCE

Blogger ate this one the first time around, so . . .

I am always surprised by how much Americans hate France. In my mind, I analogize our relationship to that of a punk kid with big ideas (us) with a much older person who has been around and seen and done it all (France). We've helped each other out in the past, if only by not getting involved (France not aiding the South in the Civil War, for example). France has its own interests in mind at all times, of course, but doesn't mind assisting us when it can. Believe it or not, America, our two countries are historic allies.

We, the punk kid, have an immature notion of friendship. If France disagrees with us, we think, it can't be our friend. If is isn't 100% with us, it must be our enemy! (And then come the insults: Hey, remember WWII? Cowards! Assholes!)

To which France might respond: I am not your mother. I am your friend.

To which we respond: You STILL aren't doing what we want? We'd better yell our insults louder!

Don't get me wrong, folks, I don't think that France is perfect by any means. A simple study of the pretty monuments they have littering their capital city (which I recently visited, recall) will show that France has certainly made its own mistakes, committed its own crimes (but oh, those subway trains run on time!)

But do we need to hate them? I think the group in charge of our country right now does need to hate someone, yes, in order to keep their energy up -- gays at home, France abroad. So we'd better hate them. posted by Carlton at 1:54 PM

THE INCREDIBLES, PART II
(OR IN FRANCE, LES INDESTRUCTIBLES)

Just combining a couple of really disparate thoughts that have been running around in my head:

In recent Spider-man comcs (which I used to read on my lunch hour in the bookstore next to my office, thank you), Spidey has been struggling with the notion that he is himself responsible for a lot of the problems that he has been fighting over the years -- that if, say, Electro is robbing a bank and Spidey shows up, they will fight and cause a great deal of property damage (and possibly deaths of bystanders) -- more than if Electro simply got away and were tracked through the money, etc.

Also, he's noticing that more and more of his battles are with people who simply want to kill him, and who are motivated by either a desire for glory or money or by some thought that killing Spidey would confer some of his power on them. Spidey has changed his tactics somewhat as a result, trying to deny these people the opportunity, and also giving some meta-thought to what it is about HIMSELF that is attracting all this trouble.

Needless to say, this kind of thinking is NOT going on in our White House or State Department or Pentagon at the moment. Our only thought is that there are enemies who crop up, and we fight them. Any other kind of thinking (that we are bringing this upon ourselves, to even the smallest degree) is not considered.

(spoiler ahead)

A sort-of response to Greg's comment doen the way:

In the Incredibles, the supers go into retirement and lead relatively humdrum lives. Funnily enough, they are called out of retirement by a villain who is motivated by his desire to BE one of them, and who is quietly attacking them in order to learn their weaknesses. After he is dispatched, ANOTHER villain shows up almost immediately. So -- what was going on in the meantime? No villains? Does the existence of superheroes necessitate supervillains? Does the absence of superheroes make the supervillains go away?

So, if the Incredibles conservative? Or subversive?

Radical thoughts. I'll have to go see it again to make further determinations. posted by Carlton at 1:09 PM

JE VIENS DE REVENIR

Molly and I are back from a week in Paris, which was great fun with a couple of caveats. One was that I was REALLY disappointed with the state of my French, which was never great but formerly was good enough to really get me around and talk to people. Of course, I haven't even considered speaking French to anyone in about three years, but I was surprised at how difficult it was to restart those engines in my brain.

My other quibble was with the exchange rate: I don't pretend to understand currency markets, but I do know that it has been our policy for pretty much EVER to have a strong dollar if for no other reason to make it a little cheaper to have a nice dinner at Les Hortensias on your last night in Paris. $1.30 to the Euro is pretty pathetic, since everything in Paris is expensive to start out with. (Good thing I have a job. Oh, wait . . .)

Molly seemed really to enjoy the trip, especially never having been there before. We've been planning this for some time; it was SUPPOSED to be our little victory lap after putting John Kerry into office (Thanks, America!). Instead we get to watch the BBC World Service talking heads still sitting around and saying "Uhhh, we didn't really think this was going to happen, so we don't have any thoughts about a second Bush term." Yeah, me neither.

posted by Carlton at 11:50 AM

THE INCREDIBLES

Is it good? Oh yes, it is good.

Go see it. Tell them I sent you. posted by Carlton at 5:51 PM

TIE 'EM TO THE STAKE, LET 'EM BURN

Who says you can't go back in time? Wisconsin thinks you can! We can go back and find Darwin, tell him he was all wrong. Galileo, too -- pack it in, buddy!

'Cause we all know -- if we don't let 'em teach it, it isn't true. posted by Carlton at 5:46 PM

A NICE DEVELOPMENT (BUT NOT A NEW ONE)

I have to say, I like the fact that our ability to run deficits is controlled by
Chinese central bankers. That's cool. posted by Carlton at 10:59 PM

CRIMINY

Tuesday was the day that I first realized that those crazy people in the middle of the country whom I would otherwise not give think about much (beyond my relatives, naturally) -- those people totally control of the government.

So remember -- it doesn't matter whether a goverment program accomplishes its stated goal or the opposite of its stated goal (abstinence-only education, missile defense, war on drugs), or whether a school curriculum has any basis in verifiable fact (creationism), or whether our wars are based on lies or if the lies even make sense (further wars to be announced), or whether the actions and goals of our elected officials match or are the opposite of their stated plans and goals (everything). All that matters is that our national self-image as an infallible, Christian, blessed country in which everyone is white, straight and keeps their shirt-tail tucked in is NOT QUESTIONED BY ANYONE.

So don't question it. If you do, a policeman might beat you to death in your living room, or at least put you in jail forever without even telling anyone where you are. Let's hope you weren't very attached to the idea of public schools, clean water, or being able to not participate in voluntary bible study at work. posted by Carlton at 10:45 PM

THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF POWER

Somewhat discomfited by results of recent plebiscite. Spent last five days in fetal position under blankets listening to Portishead. Awoke to find it was all dream, except not. Have returned to safety of under-blanket space.

Self and acquaintances acting as follows: 1) reading semi-satirical articles about leaving country in semi-serious fashion; 2) planning to run for elected office as Democrat; 3) reading serious articles about expatriation in serious fashion; 4) suggesting acquaintances run for elected office as Democrat; 5) watching PBS historical dramas. posted by Carlton at 10:37 PM

ELECTION DAY

In a few minutes, I will go and exercise my franchise at the school around the corner. A lot has been happening with me lately, but I feel that the result of today's election will determine the course of the days that follow much more than any small event in my own life.

I've been talking to various and sundry friends about what might happen today. Among smart, sober, plugged-in people, I have heard speculation ranging from "ho-hum business as usual, one of them wins" to "rioting in the streets." What is exciting and frightening about today is that either one of those extremes is possible, and that the more violent result may be the more likely. (I haven't heard anyone talk about secession -- but I think a Blue America of New England, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and the Pacific Coast, with a smattering in the upper Midwest would make a fine country.)

I love to vote for president, and I have done so three times, in three different states. Much has been made of the registration of thousands of new voters, many of them young. Republicans have been calling this "fraud" and Democrats have ben calling it "our civic duty." I heard some talking head on NPR saying that young people actually SHOULD NOT VOTE, because they are ill-informed and dilute the votes of us smarties. I think that's total bunk -- not only do I disagree with the premise that all young people are uninformed and all older folks know their stuff, but I think that voting is itself a positive. A young person, having once voted, is extremely likely to continue voting throughout life -- and we want people to participate, right? My experience has been that, even though my vote has never been influential in determining the winner, having cast a ballot gives me a stake in the outcome. Imagine a World Series in which you, a fan, get one swing of the bat. You probably didn't score the winning run, but you played.

This post is a jumble, but there will be more later, I think. posted by Carlton at 7:57 AM

TRIVIAL PURSUITS

I've been watching the first (two-hour) episode of the new ABC series LOST, and I tell you, I'm hooked.

My "shows" for the last couple of years have all been HBO hourlong dramas: The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, Deadwood. (All on Sunday nights, co-incidentally.) I also have watched the last season of Enterprise, which sucked much less than the preceding seasons. None of the HBO series are on right now, so I've got nothing -- except LOST.

It's cool man, but one thing I have learned to live without is: commercials. ABC, sensing it has a hit on its hands (which I think it does) has made an editorial decision to add an extra couple of commercial breaks in the hour, and to lard up the edges of the screen with "Next on ABC: The Bachelor!" kind of crap. I think this is a job for the VCR.

Additionally (and randomly): I was in New York some time ago and attended a show of the Upright Citizens Brigade improv group. Amy Poehler of SNL seems to be a guiding force behind this group, and apparently at least one SNL cast member will show up to lend a hand each night (and at times quite major celebs will participate).
The point of all this is that I gain more and more respect for Amy P every time I see her -- she's just a trouper (literally) who always gives it her best even when the material isn't so good. Also, I have less respect for Horatio Sanz -- who knows what he's really like, but he gives the impression of being a lazy bum of a performer. That's my $.02.

And I'm just about finished with the Bruce Campbell autobiography If Chins Could Kill. I'd recommend it -- it's a B book from a B movie actor, if you're interested in such things. I don't think Bruce would mind that characterization. posted by Carlton at 10:24 PM

ASK A SHOP MANUAL FOR A 1963 DODGE DART

I watched the debate with some professional Democrats the other night and, needless to say, we thought Kerry did smashingly. Bush, of course, got smashed.

Kerry brought a good game, for sure. He lacks a certain something that would really capture his audience (Clinton's charisma or Reagan's charm), but he's a stand-up guy who knows his stuff. You can't ask for much more than that.

As for Bush . . . we saw an exaggerated version of what we've seen before. he is doggedly, unshakeably "on message," whether or not that message has anything to do with the question, the circumstances, reality.

The Onion used to have a bit they called "Ask a . . . ", which was a parody of an advice column. They would gin up some standard questions from readers, and the responses would be the text of the "entirely unrelated" document. I never liked the bit in the Onion, and I liked it less when it came from the President. Watching him, I really felt he could have simply handed over a single piece of paper with his responses on it, and the Jim Lehrer could simply have read them in order, starting over when he reached the end of the sheet.

I saw some conservative spinners on on television in the days since, and they seem to be trying to say that Bush made reference to some brilliant arguments, even if he didn't actually make them. Good luck to them.

If I were George, I'd be sitting at home thinking, "I have to do this two more times?" posted by Carlton at 3:50 PM

DEBATERAMA

I heard that Lincoln and Douglas are going to debate on the TEEvee in a couple of days. Actually, I'm very curious about the prep that the candidates undergo before these things. I read that Bush is using the same stand-in for Kerry as he used for Gore (Maybe a good idea, maybe not. Certainly a mistake to think they are the same guy.) I wonder who Kerry might be using as a stand-in? (Seriously -- I'm not linking to a picture of a monkey or anything.)

I'm not a debater myself -- but I wonder if being a champion debater is a strength against Bush. I myself goggled in awe when Bush got away with his "fuzzy math" shtick in 2000, and when Al Gore didn't come back with ANYTHING memorable (like: "You may call it fuzzy math, George, but the rest of us just call it math."). Pathetic. And I LIKE Al Gore.

In these political debates, it seems like the kid who disrupts the class always wins. Witness Reagan: "I paid for this microphone." Or Bush fils. The guys who take the rules seriously lose every time. Examples: Al Gore trying to crowd Bush off the stage -- a debater's trick, which is why it didn't work. Bush pere checking his watch -- of COURSE you want to know how much time is left, so you can get your well-crafted verbal pearls in under the buzzer. But it looks like you don't care, so you lose.

Nope, these guys who win just seem to run onstage and take it over -- they don't argue, they present. Reagan was charming and funny. Clinton empathized. Bush pisses all over the stage, rhetorically speaking, every time he debates. He left Gore looking like a responsible civil servant who, well, had been pissed on. Her didn't know what to do with it, and it was Gore who was embarassed. Bush doesn't get embarassed. Kerry better not be embarassed.

Kerry isn't funny, and he doesn't come across as charming or empathetic (though I hear that he is both). He needs to come across as he is: smart, rational, responsible. These are things that we look for in a president, and they are things that Bush is not.

posted by Carlton at 10:31 PM

IN OTHER NEWS

The guy who makes my shirts has died. They're damn fine shirts.

Scott's blog informs me that Noel Polk has left USM. It takes a lot to pry a guy like Noel away from the university where he's been for the last umpteen years -- a guy gets comfortable. No one is comfortable at Southern these days, I hear.

I can't say that I liked Polk or disliked him. I enjoyed his class. I went to church with his ex-wife. I was in love with his daughter in high school. (When I was at home for my high school reunion a couple of years ago, we talked for a few minutes about my life in Boston. I told her that I never go to church. She looked like she was going to cry and told me that she would pray for me. I guess it wasn't meant to be after all.)

posted by Carlton at 10:22 PM

A READER!

Greg asked why I thought that Powell would resign. I'm not sure that I do think so, but I predicted that he would a while back, when I was in a predicty kind of mood. I believe that the man could have been President (and might have been a good one), but his association with the clowns in charge has damaged him beyond all hope (maybe). Is the State Department wholly inside the Pentagon now, or what? Have they moved Powell's office to the basement? Does he have a window?

The man is a good soldier, and I don't think he believes in quitting his team. Which is too bad, really, for all of us. posted by Carlton at 10:17 PM

THERE'S STILL TIME

. . . for N. Korea to detonate a nuclear weapon (if that wasn't one the other day);
. . . for Colin Powell to resign; and
. . . for some government official to come out with damaging info about 9/11 (if you don't already count Richard Clarke);

Just as I predicted.

Come on, lucky seven! posted by Carlton at 10:05 PM

HORSE RACE

So, we've got ourselves an election happening now, it seems. So much happening, and somehow I just can't seem to write anything.

I still think Kerry is going to win, however. It's just so freaking close. posted by Carlton at 9:59 PM

PHASE ONE COMPLETE

So, I completed the first part of my Master Plan, which mostly involves remaining employed: as of September 10, I have been practicing law for three years, exactly as long as I was in law school. For some reason, this has been a personal goal of mine ever since I began law school -- it's difficult to articulate exactly why.

I once read a review of a study of people who worked on assembly lines, doing extremely repetitive, mildless labor -- putting the caps on toothpaste tubes, and the like. One of the findings was that, even though they were technically working steadily all throughout the day, almost every worker had some unauthorized method of varying the work -- one would let work tasks pile up until he had to spring into action and work madly to keep the line going, while others would work as slowly as possible, or would try to make the work conform to some pattern.

I think that may be something like what I'm doing here. posted by Carlton at 9:52 PM

POST 464

Just thought I'd let all of my faithful readers know the latest: on Friday, August 6, I asked Molly A. Lawless to marry me.

She said no. We broke up.

No wait, she said yes! I think the hunk of worthless glass I put on her finger may have helped her come to this decision. Silly girl, she can't stop looking at it. No, we have not set a date, and probably won't even talk about doing so for at least a few months. But congratulations are definitely in order.

It's funny to write about this here, because this blog was instrumental in winning fair lady's heart. If I have the story right, it goes like this: Molly and I met at the end of September, 2002. At that time, she was in a skittish period with men in general, and some er, questionable parts of my own reputation had drifed in her direction (oh, the perils of friends-of-friends!). Not being an idiot, I was definitely interested in her, but she was not so sure. She considered sending me on my way, giving me the Heisman, blowing me off, whatever. Still, I seemed nice enough -- but it was a very close question.

Being a fully self-actualized and tech-savvy single woman of the twenty-first century, she took logical steps. She Googled me. This page turned up. She read it. All of it.

It was, in her words, "a gold mine" of information. I'd have to agree, although I certainly never wrote anything with the idea that a romantic interest would find it -- which is the point, I guess. What better way to get an honest feel for someone's personality than to read their little pointless missives on various topics over the course of a year or two? Other than actually talking to them, of course, which she was -- to repeat -- skittish of doing.

She read it, and she liked what she read, and she consented to my company. And last Friday, nearly two years later, she further consented to marry me.

Of course, this does bring up the little story about how she didn't TELL me that she was reading my blog, and pretended that she had never even heard of blogs and had me explain to her what they were, until SOME TIME after we were actually dating . . .

But that is another story.



posted by Carlton at 1:07 PM

JUDGE NOT

I see in my local paper that former new Hampshire Supreme Court Justice W. Stephen Thayer III has been appointed to be deputy chief of something called the Transportation Security Administration's Office of National Risk Assessment.

I had Judge Thayer as a professor in law school. During the semester I was in his class, he had to resign from the New Hampshire bench as a result of, among other things, tampering with the proceedings of his own divorce case (which was in New Hampshire state court, naturally). He was a sorry sack at that time, and he talked about drinking a lot.

Don't you feel safer? posted by Carlton at 7:39 AM

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

John Kerry is going to win in November, and win big.

That is all. posted by Carlton at 7:38 AM

IN THE FLEET CENTER OR, DEALING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT

Molly, who is both good and smart, managed to get us two "Special Guest" passes for the Convention on Thursday night. This made me happy, since Thursday was supposed to be the big night, after all, and the speech had been built up to be the new big thing. (I privately feared that Kerry was going to lay a big stinky rotten egg -- I've heard his speeches before -- but that's not important.) Molly found out about the passes at about one o'clock, we got together for dinner at six and arrived at the Fleet Center at seven, which was more or less when we were supposed to be there.

Needless to say, "Special Guest" was about the lowest rung on the credentialed totem pole, behind "Honored Guest," "Alternate Delegate," "Delegate," "Backstage" and "Podium." As it turned out, the powers in charge of the event had printed and distributed about twice as many of each kind of "Guest" pass as there were seats in the Fleet Center. The result was as follows: those who arrived super early got seats. Those who arrived early to on time (like us) gained access to the Fleet Center but were unable to get into the seating area, and were stuck circling the mezzanine areas endlessly. Those who arrived any time after "on time" couldn't get into the Fleet Center at all. As time went by, the Fleet authorities began to close down access to the various areas of the Center, starting with the sky boxes. (We ran into Molly's boss, who is a close advisor to Kerry, who had come down from one of the skyboxes to look for his daughter and was unable to return. He decided to leave and loaned us his backstage pass, which we found would not get us anywhere.)

Groups of people were sitting in the concrete hallways and on exit stairwells. People who left their seats to go to the bathroom were not let back into the auditorium. It was pretty terrible. People who had come from far and wide were getting angry at asking the same questions and getting the wrong answers: "Any seats? I can't get back in? Can I just look? Can I just go in for a second?" No.

On the bright side, we ran into a friend of Molly's who happened to be working the podium (and who had helped us out with info and tickets throughout the week -- thanks Tom!). He took pity on us and pulled us onto the podium while Joe Lieberman was speaking. That was cool -- Joe Biden was having his picture taken a few steps away from us. That was one big room, I tell you -- a sea of people with their signs, flashing lights, the whole thing.

After that, Molly and I decided to leave and catch the speech at a bar. On our way out, a cop asked me to hold a closet door open for him while he removed several identical canvas black bags.

"Is that your gear?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said.

As we left the Fleet Center, we passed a crowd of people pressed against a barricade, still trying to get in. Just as we walked out of the glass doors, a line of cops filed into the building. It didn't look good.

On the sidewalk outside was another crowd of people talking on cell phones about how pissed they were about not getting in. Further away were people trying to figure out what they might do instead, and finally there were those on the move. It was like passing through the stages of grief.

We finally made it to a bar where they were playing the television at an audible volume, and a plucky Irish waitress was happy to bring us drinks. That's where we watched the speech, which was pretty good, I say.

Upon reflection, I think it worked out for the best. We actually made it to the Fleet Center for the hubbub and commotion, got to go to the supersecret special podium area, saw some famous people (add Howard Dean and Charlie Rose to the list, and Molly saw some guy who used to be a model and is now married to, you know, that famous actress), but didn't have to fight the crowd and pinch our bladders closed for the whole evening. Also, it was probably better to watch the speech on television than in the Fleet, I think. Apparently there was no disturbance with the police.

Let's call it a win.
posted by Carlton at 1:34 PM

CONVENTIONAL WISDOM

Let me summarize the remainder of my convention week:

On Wednesday, I attended a roundtable discussion on the topic of "New Energy for America" and the state of alternative (non-fossil) energy sources in America. The panel was composed of a group of political figures -- two senators, a handful of congressmen, the heads of the AFL-CIO and the SEIU and the governor of Pennsylvania -- who have a particular interest in this topic. It was an interesting dicussion, although less about nuts and bolts than about firing up the room about alternative energy.

Currently, this is a B-list issue, and the panelists tended to be people that I hadn't heard of. That's not a crack at them, however, since I do believe that this will be an A-list issue before too long, and those who are involved with it now will only profit form their involvement. Kerry has brought up alternative energy in his campaign, giving it more rhetorical play than it has gotten for the past few years.

While the individual speakers had their own axes to grind, the main gist of the program was as follows: four more years of Bush will be a disaster on this front. Not only will our dependance on foreign oil increase, but the U.S. will fall behind Europe and Japan, which are already on the alternative fuels love train.

On Thursday, I got up early and hustled downtown to see if I could get into a forum chaired by Senator Kennedy on health care, at which Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and other notables were probable attendees. I couldn't get in, predictably (though I think I might have been able to score a ticket if I had planned ahead a bit better). Instead, I biked over to Cambridge and attended another panel on "progressive organizing in the 21st Century" which was interesting. Al Gore was supposed to attend but didn't. Same with the senior Jesse Jackson. Donna Brazile was also supposed to attend and I believe she may have arrived after I left. I was encouraged about the state of the left -- strong and getting stronger.

posted by Carlton at 10:54 AM

URBAN RENEWAL

I am a homeowner, and as such I have a high-intensity obsession with the value of real estate on my neighborhood. I am pleased to report that as many as three buildings on my street are having major renovations done at the moment -- one is being gutted, one is being re-sided, and a third is mysterious but a commercial dumpster is on the lawn and permits are visible in the windows.

This is good news. posted by Carlton at 7:35 PM

TUESDAY'S CHILD

I did nothing convention-related today. I had lunch with Molly on an outdoor patio near Copley Square however, and a military (?) helicopter was kind enough to come down and hover close to the level of the tops of the buildings, rendering it impossible to have a conversation for about ten minutes. And then the fire alarm went off in the building. It was a very stressful steak sandwich.

Also, in the grassy area in front of Trinity Church was an anti-war exhibit that I had read about -- hundreds of pairs of combat boots, spaced out at even intervals, each one tagged with the name of a U.S. soldier who has died in Iraq. A sign stated that there were 907 pairs. It was really quite moving, especially when I was walking among them. I don't have a picture, and can't publish one anyway, but it is worth seeing.

And finally, last night I was awakened about midnight by the sounds of explosions in the distance. For twenty minutes or so there was a long series of muffled booms, the occasional krupp, and rat-a-tat-tats. Half awake, I did think that something, well, bad was going on downtown. Turns out it was a fireworks display, audible from my house but not visible. I learned this from, of all places, craisglist. posted by Carlton at 7:25 PM

WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK

Oh, not animals . . . I mean terrorists. What I mean to say is that I don't think that Al-Quaida will attack Boston or New York during either of the conventions. I think this because in the past they have always struck at targets that were undefended, or very lightly defended: the Cole, the African embassies, the original WTC attack. The September 11 attacks fit this pattern if you think of them as being attacks against which we could not defend (or against which we have no adequate defense). As many have observed, that kind of attack is not likely to work again.

Right now, security in Boston is very tight, and I can only assume that it will be even tighter in New York. There are enough "soft" targets in this country that Al-Quaida can forget about the "hard" ones. I'd guess that Boston would be in more danger NEXT week, after the convention (during the inevitable security "hangover" that follows) than this week. Unless, of course, they have figured out another mode of attack that we can't anticipate or defend against. I did buy a couple of gallons of water and canned goods and put them in a box in my closet, just to be "safe" (hahahaha).

I went to hear Richard Clarke, of Against All Enemies fame a few weeks ago, and someone asked him why he thought that there had been no subsequent attacks in the U.S. since 9/11. His respose (I recall) was that either 1) there had been attempts that we had caught in time, 2) that AQ had been reduced in strength and were unable to mount attacks here (which he didn't think was true), or 3) that they did not wish to mount an attack smaller in scope than the 9/11 attacks, since it would make them seem weak by comparison.

You decide. Or maybe they will decide. posted by Carlton at 2:29 PM

BACK FROM THE DEAD

Now that I have succeeded in driving away all of my readers (all three!) by taking a month and a half off from posting here, I thought I'd get back on the horse. My posting may yet be irregular, since my computer at home has been rendered totally inoperative by a virus and I am forced to make do with the computers of others. (Blanche: "I have always depended on the Internet access of strangers.")

So, the big thing in town this week is the Democratic National Convention. I signed up as a volunteer for the convention and took this week off from work in order to participate. I was not, however, given a task as a volunteer. So, I find myself in an ontological gray area: I am a "volunteer" in that I did offer myself and my time, but I am not a "volunteer" in that I am not actually doing anything. We also serve who only stand and wait.

In actuality, I am not going to be doing any standing and waiting. There being a great many events here this week and me having the week off, I have determined that I will see how many parties, luncheons, etc. that I can possibly get into. (Not to say "crash." I am not a crasher.) Last night, for example, I was able to attend (with Molly and a couple of confederates) a party given by the Congressional Black Caucus in Charlestown, which could only be reached by a private ferry. It was fun if uneventful, although Molly managed to get hit on while I was standing RIGHT THERE (she decided not to leave me at that time, but it was a near thing -- such are the perils of having a girlfriend who is much classier than I am). I didn't meet or see anyone worth mentioning. Barack Obama was listed as an "honored guest" on the invitation, but we were greeted at dockside with the news: "Barack is not here, he will not be here, he was never going to be here." Well, OK.

Aside from that particular event, I can see lots of changes in the city. Helicopters pass by overhead constantly -- whether media, traffic or military is hard to tell. At the State Street T stop we were met by uniformed Military Police, who did nothing untoward but stand there and look menacing. I'm told that traffic is shut down by both police and all variety of protesters -- yesterday I saw part of a parade of yellow-shirted Falun Gong aderents marching in Copley Square.

If I manage to see or meet or get involved in anything interesting, I will certainly write about it here. Ther most important thing, of course, is getting my boy Kerry elected. posted by Carlton at 1:54 PM

HAIL AND . . . FAREWELL?

So I haven't managed to post anything for a week or so. Before that, it was some time between posts. I've enjoyed this thing a great deal -- I must have, because this is post number 454. This page has gotten me back in touch -- sort of -- with some old friends. It helped me get a girl (*twink*), and apparently made me an enemy or two, judging by all the postcards.

This sounds like I'm swearing off the posts. I don't know if I am or not, but I may be allocating my energy to other pursuits in the near future. If I manage to find any energy.

Hearts and flowers to all. More soon . . . ? posted by Carlton at 7:23 PM

EVERYTHING OLD IS JUST OLD

I am annoyed with myself for not writing here on the old blog and also for leaving the last lame post as the leader for some time. As a blogger, I suck.

Lots going on in the world, but not much with me. My life is in a kind of holding pattern, which is both good and bad, as some parts are going well and some are going less well. None of it is interesting enough to write about, however, which is a crying shame.

All for now. Hopefully, I can get back in the blogging spirit before too long. Sziasztok. posted by Carlton at 12:08 AM

SET THE CONTROLS FOR THE HEART OF THE SUN

I've never really been one for video games, especially not the "sim" ones where you build a city, a civilization, an empire over the course of the game. It just gets too confusing after a while.

One thing I used to do, just for my own amusement (why else pay a game, after all?) is choose a particularly dumbass strategy, one not designed to win the game or even advance myself -- attack everything in sight, only build one city and never leave it, etc. The fun in this would be to see just how bad it would get, what the game would do to someone who played it exactly the wrong way, who insisted opn his own destruction.

I don't know why I brought that up. It's not like it has any parallels in our world or anything. posted by Carlton at 8:35 PM

PREDICTY SMURF

Some time ago, I made a few predictions. Let's see how I'm doing.

1. Before the election in 2004, someone in the political wings of the administration will succumb to a guilty conscience and leak some very damaging material to the press about the events of 9/11/01.

This is the only one I may have gotten right -- IF you count Richard Clarke. Which you probably shouldn't. Rats.

2. If this administration loses to a Democrat in 2004, expect massive shredding of documents and destruction of computer files.

Well, duh. It can't have happened yet, so I am not yet wrong.

3. North Korea will explode a nuclear weapon within the next year.

Well, this hasn't happened yet, has it?

4. Colin Powell will resign as Secretary of State before November 2004.

Come on, Colin!

5. Before the next election, the administration will be linked to at least one mysterious death in Washington D.C.

Hopefully some guy with the same middle initial as me.

So, it looks like none of the things I have predicted has come true. That's good -- I'd hate to break a perfect record.

posted by Carlton at 8:29 PM

LET'S REVIEW

A while back I wrote:

So . . . even IF

1. Going to war with Iraq is necessary, AND
2. Now is the time to do so, AND
3. This is so important that we should do it alone if necessary . . .
4. Does ANYONE think that THIS administration is savvy enough about the region, our necessary alliances with other countries, collecting intelligenece abroad and putting it to good use and the infinitely complex politics of being a colonial power (which is what this is all about, take note) to make it work?

So . . . as it turned out, they weren't.

It would be trite to say that we are in a terrible position right now. Putting aside the prison torture scandal -- which, to be honest, is so awful I can hardly bring myself to think about it -- our leaders have put us into a position in Iraq where it is literally impossible to win. I don't think it's impossible because the United States lacks the fighting spirit or the resources necessary to accomplish most anything, or because our military is inadequately trained or equipped.

It is impossible to win because we don't know what winning is in this situation, or we have defined winning to be a conjunction of circumstances that cannot coexist. We want for Iraq to be a liberal democracy; we want Iraq to be a pluralistic secular state, we want Iraq to be our ally/staging area in the Middle East. We want ALL these things. This is a situation roughly akin to having one's cake and eating it too -- if Iraq is democratic, then it will undoubtedly not be our ally. If it is secular, it will undoubtedly not be democratic. If it is our ally, then it will have to be a truly repressive regime on the order of the one so recently ousted.

The administration is still talking about a day not too far away when everything will come together in our favor, all the people in Iraq who justifiably hate is will suddenly change their minds and be cooperative, centuries-old customs and religious traditions will be abandoned and everyone will admit that we were right after all. They are still talking about winning.

They don't know what they mean by winning. posted by Carlton at 10:19 PM

NOTES

Yesterday, I overheard a partner at my law firm refer to a client's account with us (we manage money like a bank) as being "ridiculously small." It turns out that the client had $500,000 with us.

Last weekend, I was the first car in line at a very busy intersection in Allston (Harvard and Brighton Ave, for you locals). I was waiting for a red light to change, when an older woman (sixty-ish) crossed the street in front of me with bags of groceries. Directly in front of my car, she dropped a large handful of change. She put her groceries down on the median, and got down on her hands and knees in the intersection, picking up coins. The light changed to green, and she went on, picking up coins. I tooted my horn at her, and finally she got up and let me go by.

I have the new Loretta Lynn album, the one produced by Jack White. I gave it a spin and it sounds pretty good. I can tell that this one may take a while to decide whether I love it or not, however. I love Loretta Lynn, however. She is my girlfriend.

Molly and I watched Season 2 of The Office this week -- it's only six episodes, of a half-hour each. The ending was unsatisfying in many ways, but I can't decde if that is appropriate or not for a show that is about grinding out your life at a dead-end job. Part of me thinks that it is thematically appropriate, and part of me is just unsatisfied. This show, as little of it as there may be, is the most brilliant thing I've seen on TV in forever.

The blog needs a makeover. I need new links, new captions, etc. I especially need to get rid of that "Buzzy the Fly" shtick, which refers to a private joke that Molly and I were making about a year ago. posted by Carlton at 11:13 PM

SAHARA

While sitting up late the other night, I caught my new favorite WWII movie on AMC -- "Sahara." I had never heard of this movie before, and frankly, I am shocked at that. Humphrey Bogart is in it, my new favorite star, as is Lloyd Bridges. Americans and Brits lost in the desert in a tank, trying to find water and avod marauding Germans, who are also looking for water. No movie has ever made me thirstier.

I was surprised at one scene, in which a German prisoner escapes our heroes, and runs off to alert his comrades. One of our heroes, a Sudanese soldier, runs after him and kills him with his bare hands. It was pretty jarring to see a very black man kill a very white man in a 1943 American movie.

Oh well. posted by Carlton at 11:36 AM

IN THE LINE OF DUTY

Everyone has probably seen this story already:

Former Football Star Killed in Afghanistan
By Donna Miles
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, April 24, 2004 – He was so moved by the events of Sept. 11, 2001, that he turned down a $3.6 million professional football contract to become an Army Ranger.

Spc. Pat Tillman, 27, who was deployed with the 75th Ranger Regiment from Fort Benning, Ga., was killed April 22 during a firefight in southeastern Afghanistan. The Defense Department confirmed the soldier's identity late April 23.

To be honest, I don't think that the power of the story lies in the soldier's death -- which is, of course, a tragedy. Rather, I am inspired -- yes, actually inspired -- by his leaving what may be the most envied job in the entire world to fight for a cause he believed in. I wish that he had only been asked to sacrifice money and time, and not his life.
posted by Carlton at 11:27 AM

TABULA RASA

Something about this story makes me sick to my stomach:

Lamb, who teaches a creative writing workshop at the York Correctional Facility in East Lyme, said Wednesday that 15 women inmates lost up to five years of work when officials at the prison's school ordered all hard drives used for the class erased and its computer disks turned over.

I recall hearing a special on NPR about this program, and the amazing effects it was having in some of these women's lives. One of the women even won a national writing award of some sort.

My impression is that prison administrators are usually quite hostile to writing and creativity on the part of inmates. It used to be, I think, that the prison owned all intellectual property rights to any creative work produced "on the inside." Oscar Wilde, in "De Profundis," refers to the fact that he wrote the essay/letter while only having one sheet of paper at a time -- when he finished writing on one sheet, it would be taken from him and he would be given another. In other words, no ability to edit, no organization.

I can only imagine how violated I would feel if someone erased my writing. I mean, I'd feel the loss if the archives of this page were to disappear, as they do, occasionally -- and I can't say that I am particularly proud of this writing. Still, it is mine. posted by Carlton at 11:21 AM

STRANGE BEDFELLOWS?

For a long time, I have had this secret suspicion that there was something going on with Dubya and Condi Rice. Like they were together. Like together together. Or maybe that she's just in love with him, hard as that is to imagine.

Anyway, I just read this:

Political Conversation: Condi’s Slip

A pressing issue of dinner-party etiquette is vexing Washington, according to a story now making the D.C. rounds: How should you react when your guest, in this case national-security adviser Condoleezza Rice, makes a poignant faux pas? At a recent dinner party hosted by New York Times D.C. bureau chief Philip Taubman and his wife, Times reporter Felicity Barringer, and attended by Arthur Sulzberger Jr., Maureen Dowd, Steven Weisman, and Elisabeth Bumiller, Rice was reportedly overheard saying, “As I was telling my husb—” and then stopping herself abruptly, before saying, “As I was telling President Bush.” Jaws dropped, but a guest says the slip by the unmarried politician, who spends weekends with the president and his wife, seemed more psychologically telling than incriminating. Nobody thinks Bush and Rice are actually an item. A National Security Council spokesman laughed and said, “No comment.”

I mean, really. A dropped jaw is clearly warranted. And maybe a nervous titter from the crowd.

The funny thing is that it makes perfect sense (in my little mind): he's a randy-yet-repressed guy married to a robot, and she's an unattached woman with a thing for authority figures (I infer). And they are both unnattractive that same self-satisfied way -- why, they are perfect for each other.

I'm not suggesting that Rice is physically unattractive. She's not my type, but I can see how someone, (like, say the leader of Israel) could go for her.

Whatever you say about Israel’s Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, it is rare that he makes a faux pas in front of the media. However, there was one memorable, or even infamous, exception. Just ahead of her appointment as National Security Adviser, Condoleezza Rice paid a visit to Israel. After meeting her, Sharon was asked by the hacks what he thought of his guest. “She has nice legs,” came the reported reply.

Ever since Rice has been barraged by Israeli VIPs requesting audiences.

Good for her. Bad for the world, but good for her. posted by Carlton at 6:16 PM

NATIONAL MOOD RING BLACK

Today is Patriots' Day, a holiday specific to Massachusetts (and Maine, I'm told), and I have the day off. I opened today's Globe and turned to the most important section -- the funnies. Only today, they aren't so funny. I detect a theme:

Doonesbury: Long-running character B.D., serving in Iraq, has apparently been shot.

Get Fuzzy: More of the same.

Heart of the City (which I usually don't read, but is usually about little kids who are into some kind of fantasy life . . . yeah, I dunno): I don't know what this is about, but it doesn't look good.

I mean, for this kind of thing to creep onto the comics page -- an area of the paper designed to be as bland and repetitive as possible -- we must be pretty shaken up as a country. Doonesbury has been a political strip for some time, so that's not such a surprise (although it is normally political humor, which today's strip is not), but the other two are normally very bland. With Marmaduke defining the low end of the edginess scale for comics in major daily papers and Boondocks the high, Get Fuzzy and Heart of the City fall somewhere above Frank & Ernest and somewhere below Dilbert.

We are an unhappy people, living in an unhappy time. Even our comics are unhappy.

What next? Mark Trail invades Najaf?


posted by Carlton at 2:32 PM

A BRUSH WITH GREATNESS . . . OR SOMETHING LIKE GREATNESS.

Molly and I went to a ball game at Fenway Park this evening (Sox vs. Orioles -- Pedro Martinez was pitching). It was very cold.

We had these great seats that I had aquired from some rich dude at a charity auction. They were such good seats, in fact, that we sat within rock-throwing distance of the game's celebrity attendee: Ben Affleck. We were not close enough to bask in his personal aura, of course, but we were well within the "ripple effect" of his celebrity. People around us (young women especially, for some reason) were craning their necks, dissecting his every action: "He's bending down!" "He's drinking his soda!" "He's cheering for Manny Ramirez!" Every time he stood up, a forest of women stood up to see what he was doing. When he sat down, they sat down.

Twice during the game Mr. Affleck left his seat to go under the stands, maybe to the bathroom, maybe to smoke a cigarette (his particular section had waitress service, though it wasn't a skybox). Each time he left his seat, a staff member walked in front of him to clear the way -- which was necessary because the young women charged at him headlong every time they caught sight of him. (One teenage girl changed her seat to "lie in wait" for him to return from wherever -- he spoke to her once and therafter avoided making eye contact with her even when she was in his face.) It was the same staff member each time, a woman who sat behind Mr. Affleck during the game, apparently assigned to him.

Molly and I could not help but remark to each other that, at a basic level, it must suck to be a celebrity of that type. Ben Affleck certainly has plenty of money, and can probably have a lot of things that a person might want. He could have had his pick of any of the women in our section, certainly, and I'm sure he rode home in an expensive car to an expensive home. It is clear, however, that he has no privacy at all, and the raging assholes who are Bostonians have no
problems demanding each their little piece.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not high on Ben Affleck (what was the last good movie he was in . . . ? I'm at a loss.). I just imagine that it's tough to be in his situation, izzall. posted by Carlton at 11:40 PM

PAST-POSTING

Last February, I wrote:

Paradoxically, I think that this current awful situation may ultimately be good for all the organizations that Bush et al are trying to subvert or destroy: the UN, NATO, the International Criminal Court. The reason is this: nothing whets the global appetite for international mediating and judicial bodies than international crime, or "countries behaving badly". Depending on how this turns out, Mr. Bush's ill-timed, ill-managed, ill-planned actions against Iraq may show the world (us included) that there needs to be a super-national system of enforceable laws that even the U.S. must obey.

Maybe this is happening, maybe not. It does appear that Bush's getting his way has strengthened the hand of left-leaning parties elsewhere in the world -- most recently in Spain and in South Korea. Silver linings . . . posted by Carlton at 11:23 PM

HATTIESBURG. IT'S A FINE BURG.

Happiespatch in the news:

Justice Scalia likes to be seen and heard but not recorded.

An aside -- Who knew that PCS had a high school? I'll bet it sucks ass and is expensive, but white parents would rather have their children get a crappy education than have to associate with black children. Anyone care to refute that assertion?

In brighter news: There may be something to do when I go home for Christmas.

Personally, I would think that if you were going to kill and dismember two people in Hattiesburg, you'd really want to get rid of them locally rather than trucking them all the way to Kansas. That's just my uninformed opinion, however. posted by Carlton at 5:23 PM

READY FOR MY CLOSEUP

or, Not that anyone asked me, part II:

I'm just starting to appreciate the films of William Holden. J.J. Sefton, indeed.

And there's a minor character in Sunset Boulevard and a supporting character in The Apartment (not a William Holden film) named "Mr. Sheldrake." I'v enever head of any real person with this name. I wonder if it's an inside reference? posted by Carlton at 11:22 PM

NOT THAT ANYONE ASKED ME

I really do, however, think that we ought to actually have an election this November.

Gosh, I remember when this would have been a joke. posted by Carlton at 11:07 PM

ONE QUESTION

Uppermost in my feverish mind this evening is the question: if Bush loses the coming election -- loses it legitimately, unquestionably, in a landslide -- will he turn over power willingly? Will he just walk away? Will the people who control him allow that?

In the movie "Nixon," the President turns to an aide at the last moment, when things have finally turned against him. He's asked the aide what assets he has left to call upon.

"There's always the Army," says the aide.

Nixon didn't call on the Army, obviously. George W. Bush, however, does not have the internal brakes that Nixon, even as crazy as was, must have had to accept political exile. George W. Bush, and the people around him, will stop at nothing.

Maybe there's a teaching job for me at that school in Mexico . . . posted by Carlton at 11:30 PM

PARDON ME?

This editorial writer thinks that Bush, Cheney etc. are so rabid about winning this election partly because they fear criminal prosecution at such time as they are out of power. I'm not sure how much I agree with that -- sure, they may have committed serious crimes, but would anyone have expected them to NOT be maniacal, power-hungry zealots about this campaign?

But here's an interesting idea for John Kerry, when he takes office: I think he should sit down at the desk in the Oval Office and, as his first presidential act, pardon Bush, et al. for any bad acts they may have committed in office. I think this would accomplish two things -- one, it would be the ultimate slap at the outgoing administration, and two, it would free everyone up to talk about what the hell happened in the last four years.

Bush and Cheney may be criminals under our law and international law. But isn't it more important to know the facts than to punish a handful of malfeasors? posted by Carlton at 9:39 PM

THE NEW HIPSTERS

This guy, writing about Sportscenter, (which I have never, ever watched) may be on to something larger:

Maybe it's just that Patrick and Olbermann represented an era in which hipness meant detachment, and today's with-it young anchors represent an era in which hipness means sycophancy.

If the media serve no other purpose, they define what is cool for us mortals. If the media are nothing else, these days, they are all about sucking up to authority. Is this a world -- a respectful, patriotic, deferential-to-our-elders kind of world -- that we want our kids to grow up in? posted by Carlton at 9:31 PM

INTELLIGENCE FAILURE, PART II

So the followup to the last post is my recent realization that I am only smart (if at all) in a certain way. Inna summed it up with one word, practical, which is probably right if you want to compress it down to a single word. I don't pay to blog by the word, however.

Seriously -- I have recently been thinking about alternate career paths for myself, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that there are a lot of cool things that I would like to do for which I am really not very well suited.

One of them is to be a professor. I had long since given up on being an English professor, you understand, since my disasterous two-year marriage to graduate school in that subject. Recently, however, when I was at the old job and hating it like the devil, I went so far as to explore being a law professor. I even went so far as to cook up an idea for an article (something about transsexual marriage, which is an issue that has come up in my practice, and how the law of the 50 states is absolutely a chaotic mess on the subject, and how the proposed -- now dead -- Federal Marriage Amendment would not solve but would rather codify that particular problem) but my heart really wasn't in it.

I think I could be a decent teacher, as far as standing in front of a classroom and explaining complex material goes. I've done a bit of that, and I enjoy dealing with students. But scholarship? I don't think I'm disciplined enough, mentally.

I wanted to be a cartoonist, when I was younger. The fact that I can't draw is something of a hindrance -- and the fact that Molly is a more talented artist with her eyes closed and drunk (seriously) than I am with all of my faculties is also a serious blow to my ego.

I wanted to be a writer when I was younger, of course, as did so many. That was so long ago that I can't even remember what I thought was cool about it. Something, for sure. What happens to a dream that is forgotten?

So, I'm left with practical. I have a knack for certain things -- saving money, finding jobs when I need them, learning enough of a language to get by. I can remember jokes and various kinds of trivia. Now, I can do your estate planning.

But what to do . . . posted by Carlton at 9:22 PM

INTELLIGENCE FAILURE

While I was in Budapest, I dated Inna, a Russian woman who was attending Central European University as a graduate student in Medieval Studies. Inna had this interesting habit of putting down people with a single word -- a former boyfriend of hers was "primitive," for example, spoken with a tone of deep disdain. Sometimes the word was not always overtly negative, but conveyed a particular inchoate put-down, as when she referred to a female Czech student in her program as "civilized." (As in: "Oh, Katerina is . . . civilized.")

One thing Inna really respected in her friends and colleagues was intelligence. Oh, X was very intelligent, she would say, glowing. Y wasn't really, but he worked very hard (another subtle put-down). Once, I asked her whether she thought I was intelligent.

She thought for a moment. "You're very practical," she said.

So, I'm practical. (Not that Inna is always right, of course -- she predicted that I would be married very soon after we parted ways, which was six years ago.) That word has been stuck in my head ever since she said it.

I have more to say on this, but I think I?ll leave it for now. Enough navel-gazing for one day.
posted by Carlton at 8:08 PM

NEW STUFF

I'm going to replace my old link to Molly's blog with this link to her new cartoon page. I am a bit partisan, of course, but I like her stuff a lot.

In related news, two unrelated people this week told me I am "a lucky man" to be associated with Molly. My response in both cases: Lucky for me, she's got low self-esteem. Otherwise, I'd be back on match.com. posted by Carlton at 3:24 PM

EASTER BUNNIES

I've mentioned this before, as have others, but it is truly amazing how no one in the entire administration seems capable to admitting a mistake. The recent 9/11 testimony has once again thrown this into relief. At every turn, administration officials are working hard to hide facts that are not in accord with their public statements or threaten or discredit persons who point out such facts. It happens so often that it's become commonplace -- whether it's jobs, WMD, Medicare, whatever. (This cartoon sums it up better than I can.) The point of it all is that the Bush people cannot admit that they are or ever were wrong about anything, for even one second. This is pretty common to politicians, honestly, but the Bush people are positively pathological.

Regarding 9/11: The mere fact of the attacks, coupled with the information that was apparently available to top-level decision-makers, indicates that there were things that could have been done that were not. I'm not suggesting that the attacks could necessarily have been prevented -- they were a surprise, extremely bold and well-planned, and on an unprecedented scale. Also, they ran counter to the conventional wisdom regarding terrorism at the time, which was that terror goups generally do not attempt to cause massive damage and casualties, because to do so causes a backlash against their cause. In the same way, I am pretty sure that the flight crews on the hijacked planes let the hijackers into the cockpit out of a similar misapprehension of what airplane hijackings are all about -- hijackers hold the plane and the people on board for ransom, or divert the plane to some alternate location. No one expected them to turn the plane into a giant suicide bomb. It was a mistake, and an understandable one.

The 9/11 commission is about determining how understandable were the administration's mistakes, and how they can be avoided in the future. This is driving the administration crazy, because the commission is prdicated on an assumption -- mistakes were made -- that they fundamentally cannot abide. They cannot admit it -- they feel trapped, their claws come out, they must attack someone, anyone, like a cornered rat.

This inability shows a truly deep defect in character, a lack of substance. It shows a fear that the least contradiction, retraction, admission, invalidates my entire person. Such a person is like the cheap chocolate bunnies that many people get in their Easter baskets -- a thin shell with nothing inside. No one who disagrees with me can be right, no one who disagrees with me can be my friend, no one who disagrees with me can be allowed to speak. If this is allowed I will be revealed to be . . . nothing. To prevent this I will commit crimes, ruin reputations and tell a thousand more lies to cover up the first, and each of those lies must be subsequently defended to the death.

I hope that this election is about character -- 'cause Bush ain't got any.

I hear "You're the Reason Our Kids are Ugly," by Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn, and "Zoot Suit Riot", by the Squirrel Nut Zippers. posted by Carlton at 3:19 PM

FOOLS GONE WILD

Well, I haven't died or anything -- I just haven't had much time in front of the computer at home when I felt like writing anything. Work has been busy busy busy, which is a good thing, except that I'm a little more pooped than normal when I get home.

There's certainly a lot going on right now -- the 9/11 hearings are just the start. The Bush people have really bungled their response to Richard Clarke's testimony, and continue to bungle it pretty spectacularly. By trying to sink the commission initially, they drew attention to it; by raising such a fuss about who from the current administration could testify, and in what forum, and for how long, they made it look like they have something to hide, attracting even more attention. Additionally, the Bush people delayed the release of Clarke's book for several months (citing "national security" of course), which backfired on them by arranging that his book release would exactly coincide with his testimony before the commission, allowing Clarke to go on "60 Minutes" and trash the administration on Iraq mere days before going to Congress and trashing them on the leadup to 9/11. As result of all this, the media this week has been all-Clarke, all the time.

And it looks like it will continue -- GOP luminaries in the Senate have been making noise about prosecuting Clarke for perjury. This charge, should it be brought, would apparently be based on some classified testimony that Clarke gave to the Senate in 2002 -- the rationale being, I guess, that if the two sets of testimony diverge in any way, even the remotest scintilla, if he even put his commas in different places each time, then Clarke is a liar and a criminal and should go to jail.

These people, I swear. Let's put aside the fact that this administration has the most hypocritical stance towards classified information imaginable, declassifying anything and everything that would hurt an opponent, even for one news cycle, while keeping everything else sewn up tighter than a frog's cooter. (Showing the classified Presidential Daily Briefings to Bob Woodward, who was writing a Valentine's Day card of a book about Bush, while refusing to allow the 9/11 commission to use even the notes taken by the commissioners who were allowed to read but not copy the PDB's, is another.) Let's also put aside the fact that, in addition to being our nations' foremost expert on terrorism and legitimately nonpartisan, Clarke is a veteran bureaucrat with, from all accounts, a sixth-degree black belt in Cover Your Ass, which strongly implies to me that there won't be anything in any former testimony that he's given that will trip him up. Even if all of these things were not true, The Bushies seem oblivious to the fact that their going nuclear on Richard Clarke is itself news.

Clarke may be a stand-up guy but, let's face it, former counterterrorism officials don't get this kind of press on their own. The more they attack him, the stronger he gets. He's already sold out the first couple of printings of his book -- the first one was, I think, for 300,000. If the perjury charge actually materializes, he may break a million.

To steal a motif from Greg, I currently hear "We Rule The School" by Belle and Sebastian, which is a great song. posted by Carlton at 2:19 PM

AND STILL MORE

Anyone interested in the whole USM thing should certainly turn to Scott's blog (link at left) -- he has the real story about some of the inaccuracies and lies I have been spreading. I don't have much more to say about the whole thing.

Actually, I do have one more thing to say: I looked at Shelby Thames' bio, which indicates that he received both his undergraduate and masters degrees at Southern. Thereafter, he made it as far as Tennessee for the Ph.d. Then, back to USM for the various academic and staff positions, and now president.

That's truly old school, to coin a phrase. What it says to me is that this fellow has played inside baseball his whole professional life, which is maybe what you have to do to end up as king, I mean president. Aubrey Lucas certainly did his share of back scratching back in the old days. Maybe Thames was somewhat justified in thinking of USM as his own private playground, where he could do whatever he wanted. I'm guessing he could have done any ONE thing that he wanted -- but to mess around on so many fronts was probably too much for even the sleepy 'patch to bear.

Hardly my business. After all, I never even paid them any money. posted by Carlton at 11:44 PM

SOUTHERN MISS UPDATE

So, I spoke to my sources in the 'burg, and have gleaned the following pieces of information/unsubstantiated rumor:

There have been a number of protests on Southern's campus against the firing of the two profs. Apparently, during a press conference on the steps of the Aministration B'ld'g, Shelby Thames derided the protesters by saying that (history professor) Dick Chambers had let his morning class out and given them extra credit if they would protest. His rotten luck was that Prof. Chambers happened to be passing by at that very moment. Hearing his name impugned, Chambers intruded into the press conference (shouting "That's not true!") to announce that he had had jury duty that morning, and that his graduate assistant had held the class in his place and let the students out with an assignment.

Leading the faculty resistance to President Thames is none other than William Scarborough, professor of American History (my professor for Old South and Civil War). My sources tell me that he has a new book coming out, and that the visibility in this campaign can hurt his stature in the academic community. So fine!

Another issue on the table is that the funds annually budgeted for faculty raises were distributed in an unusual way this year -- in the middle of the term (which is apparently not the norm) and to only a select few faculty. The recipient of one of, if not the largest raise (+- 15%) was none other than Thames' daughter, who is an instructor.

In the unsubstantiated rumor column: this brou-ha-ha started when the two fired profs investigated the credentials of a female Vice President at the university -- evidently, she had claimed to have been a tenured faculty member at another university before coming to Southern, and apparently that was not the case. When this was brought to his attention, Thames did not discipline the VP, but suspended the professors. The rumor portion is that Thames may be having an affair with the VP. (Ooooh, faculty-on-faculty sex!)

Oh, and um . . . the orchestra is sounding really nice this year, and the Bradford Pears are in full bloom. Apparently they had eighty-degree weather this week, although it's much cooler now. posted by Carlton at 8:31 PM

SOUTHERN MISHAP

Imagine: an unelected president launches a controversial and divisive agenda, while at the same time taking steps to stifle dissent and remove career professionals (holdovers from the last administration) who publically disagree with his program.

Sound familiar? Well, it's the apparent state of affairs at Southern Miss, the alma mater of such celebrated bloggers as me, Scott and Greg (links to the side).

I don't have any opinion at all about the controversy, since I'm not around there any more (and I haven't had the chance to ask my dad about it, although he's the type that doesn't believe that you should bad-mouth, so he might not tell me anything). I will say that I think that I have heard some very bad things about one of the removed professors -- personally, not professionally -- but I won't repeat the stories because I am not certain that it's the same person.

First BU and now USM -- all we need now is for Indiana University to hit the skids and I, too, will have hit the trifecta. posted by Carlton at 11:08 PM

RANDOM NOTES RE: KERRY

It certainly seems like Kerry is the nominee. Looks like I need to warm up my checkbook. And, you understand, I NEVER give away money.

Molly and I are looking into volunteering at the Democratic National Convention which is being held -- guess where. I think that we should also go to New York and protest the Republican one. The jury is still out on that second one, but I think it will be a hoot. The more egregious the use of September 11 -- Bush giving his acceptance speech at "Ground Zero", placing the cornerstone of the memorial during the convention -- the more likely I'll be to go. I don't really want to get my head cracked open by a billy club or to get tear gas in my sensitive eyes, but I'll go, and stand in the crowd, and take pictures, and chant slogans. And, you understand, I NEVER do any of those things.

Greg has been bitching about Kerry, and how he isn't progressive enough to be considered human, much less an acceptable candidate, and that you might as well vote for Bush if Dennis Kucinich isn't in the race. All I have to say to that is that Dennis got more than his fair share of attention this go-round. My personal opinion is that he did poorly enough to have hurt his own cause.

My brother, writing from Hattiesburgistan, laments that Kerry is so liberal that he wants to give al-Quaeda members access to food stamps. At the same time, my brother is hungry for an alternative to Bush. There's only one.
posted by Carlton at 10:26 PM

HABEAS CORPUS

This is a really good reason, as if I needed another one, why I won't be giving to the building fund.

I used to sit in a dusty little corner of the law library and study, where each of the wooden bookcases had a small plaque mounted on its side, inscribed with the name of some benefactor. In three thousand years, we have progressed just far enough so that we can fill the sarcophagus with books instead of mortal remains. posted by Carlton at 10:04 PM

SPECULATION

I hesitate to ask a question, since I know that there aren't too many people reading this page after my long absences, but here we go: What do you think will be the long-term legacy of the Bush Administration? When historians of the later 21st Century look back on these four years (and hopefully the only four) of Bush-rule, what will they identify as its primary characteristics? That's two questions, but I think they are the same, more or less.

My own thoughts: The Bush administration will finally rehabilitate the Grant and Harding administrations from their positions as the most corrupt and worst-managed in American History. This is in the same way that Arkansas occasionally "rehabilitates" Mississippi from the bottom of the heap in literacy, teen pregnancy, etc. posted by Carlton at 1:33 PM

MUPPET SHOW

It looks like this very strange pantomime carried on by the White House and Speaker Hastert regarding the 9/11 Commission has totally fallen apart.


My summary:

Bush: "Dennis, you MUST, absolutely MUST extend the deadline for the 9/11 report until July."

Hastert: "Mr. President, with all due respect. I cannot." (whisper: "Was that OK, George?")

Bush: "Alas! Woe for the victim's families and the war on terror! Well, we tried our best. After all, the commission is under the control of Congress, not the White House."

Everyone in the ENTIRE WORLD, including a bunch of angry victim's families: "We call bullshit! If you won't give us an extension, we will paint the streets with your blood and festoon the graves of the victims with your entrails!"

Hastert: "I have reconsidered -- I will give the President what he has asked for. After all, the Congress should defer to the President on matters of National Security."

Bush: "Justice has been done." (aside: "Shit!")

It makes you wonder about these people.

posted by Carlton at 7:43 PM

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Molly's new website is in progress, but it's worth checking out. posted by Carlton at 7:25 PM

I FIND THIS NO END OF SATISFYING . . .

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of
people.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Thanks to Greg! posted by Carlton at 11:02 PM

A SERVICEABLE VILLAIN

As you've no doubt heard, our president has decided to come out (so to speak) in favor of a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage in all its forms. I don't have the text of the proposed amendment in front of me at the moment, but I read it to exclude civil unions in adddition to "marriage."

There is a lot of outrage out there tonight -- outrage which is perfectly justified, in my opinion. If I were gay, I would feel directly attacked by this president. If this amendment passed, I would feel like I was one step closer to being rounded up and put in to a camp somewhere.

I am a passive supporter of the right to marry someone of the same sex -- I certainly do not believe it should be illegal, and I am confident that the next generation of Americans will be infinitely more progressive about this than the current forty-and-up crowd without my having to do anything (hence the passivity). I have gay friends and gay clients, and I sympathize with the difficulties they face in arranging their family situations and finances.

What is truly outrageous -- what should outrage both those in favor of same-sex marriage and those who oppose it -- is that this administration does not really even care about this amendment. Bush is not particularly concerned about gays and lesbians getting married, I am convinced, but only in retaining his office and pandering to his supporters. The truth is that this is the latest in a series of fireworks that are designed to distract us from the sorry state of the Union: first there was the immigration program, then the mission to Mars, and now this. If either of those had been well received, we would not have this amendment on the front page today. Bush's proposal springs from the calculus of deperation.

[Note that I don't think that Bush is particularly friendly to gays and lesbians, of course. I think that, in his mind, it is perfectly all right for any number of groups to be treated unfairly and denied "rights" -- for the simple reason that he cannot imagine a world in which he and his cronies are not at the top of the pyramid. Never has a president so obviously endorsed a belief system based on inequality, in which the normal rules -- morality, duty, truthfulness, the law -- only apply to other people.]

While the amendment itself rightfuly outrages its opponents, the cynicism of its proposal should outrage its supporters. Because he does not really care about the amendment, as he does not care about immigration reform or a Mars mission, Bush will abandon this issue as soon as it loses its political utility. If I were a member of the anti-gay right, the last thing I would want would be this president to forcefully champion my cause, taking it as his own, and then toss it aside like a dirty shirt. A cause is never so marginalized than after its moment in the sun has ended -- and I believe that Bush will bring this moment to an end as soon as it is convenient.
posted by Carlton at 6:09 PM

I AM YOUR NEIGHBOR

Oh heck -- I keep coming up with good, pithy things to blog and then forgetting them, or when I finally get to the computer it's already time for beddie-bye . . . I'm such an old man these days.

I want to blog about why I think providing a health-care plan for all Americans would be an enormous boon to business, even with the higher taxes it would require.

I want to blog about John Kerry, and the li'l spat I've had recently with Greg about him.

I'd also like to discuss how I think that the fact that the primary race is a close one will really help the eventual nominee (Kerry) by keeping everyone alert and engaged and the candidates' criticism of Bush on the front pages.

I want to discuss the BBC series "The Office" and how it's the funniest television I've seen in a long time.

I want to bring up the predictions I made a while back about things that would happen this year -- and how none of them have come true (to my knowledge). I'd also like to make some more predictions.

I want to mention that, during my short hiatus between jobs in November, I sought the advice of a career counsellor in Cambridge. We met twice before I started my new job, and she suggested that I schedule a couple of visits in February. I called over there yesterday -- and she has died. No more career counselling for Carlton! posted by Carlton at 11:19 PM

EROTIC DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY FOR BEGINNERS

Somehow, a piece of blue paper has come into my hands which details the schedule of the most recent Fetish and Fantasy Fair held at the Park Plaza Hotel here in Boston. This is a great document -- it may bear more discussion, but my current favorite elements are as follows:

Someone named "Peacefrog" leads morning yoga sessions for all the fetishists. ("Make the downward-facing dog, slave!" "Yes, Master Peacefrog!");

Classes in "Elementary Corsetry," taught by Mistress Sly; and

A seminar on "BDSM and Disability" taught by Neptune -- for that leather-and-motorized-scooter set, presumably.

And of course, Erotic Digital Photography for Beginners -- which I think should be the name of my autobiography. posted by Carlton at 11:17 PM

WOW

. . . I haven't posted anything here in a while. I seem to recall that I used to do so. But now . . .

And there's so much going on! America seems to be discovering that GWB is a sow's ear from which a silk purse may not be made after all. John Kerry is whuppin' him some ass in the primaries -- at the same time that he is being mysteriously slimed by people who can't believe that he isn't JUST LIKE Dukakis (wimp), Clinton (womanizer) or Gore (politically tone-deaf, uncomfortable with his own persona).

And yes, the Iraq situation is piss-poor, at best, while neighbor Iran is simultaneously having an electoral crisis and coughing up elements of an active nuclear program. (GWB: "Iran! I meant Iran! Did you think I said Iraq? Oh, what a crazy misunderstanding!")

I'm going to try to get back into the posting mode. So much is happening!

And there looks to be a really good party tomorrow night at my friend Sherry's place. posted by Carlton at 11:10 PM

ACTION WEEK

Did I mention that my boy won Iowa? Did I mention that my other boy came in second? It's old news now, but it was a big deal at the time. Tuesday should be exciting!

The big news of all this is that the Democrats have four strong candidates. Each has his weakness, but I think that any could be a good president. And of course, any would be better than GWB.

And no, I'm not talking about you, Joe. posted by Carlton at 10:33 PM

STAR STRUCK

Ms. Twink and I went to see Cold Mountain this weekend, which was a better-than-decent movie. I am a fan of both of the female stars, Renee and Nicole, and there were a number of really interesting performances from the supporting cast (particularly PSH, and I am coming to agree with the notion that he should be in every single movie produced henceforth).

But the real draw for us is that our friend Emily Deschanel was in Cold Mountain. She had a big part in one relatively important scene -- when Jude Law's character is in the hospital, she reads him the letter from Nicole Kidman. Emily and I were roommates at Hooker Street (for about two years, I guess?). I always liked her, although we were never what you'd call close. Emily and Ms. Twink were roommates all through college, and even at Hooker Street (Molly moved out just before I moved in -- funny, huh?).

It really affected me to see Emily on the big screen. To see someone in the movies that you actually know -- to have that same sense of recognition as when you see your lost friend in Starbucks or on the street, except that she is in one of the biggest movies of the year, is indescribable. It was a very strange, exhilarating feeling.

Congratulations to Emily. Good luck to her. posted by Carlton at 10:30 PM

IMPORTANT EMAIL

Does anyone fall for this?

_Dear _Citibank _Members_,

This leter was sentt _by the Citbiank server to
veerify your_ E_Mail adderss.
You must clmoptee this prcseos by clicking on_the_link
beelow and enntering in the litlle window your CITI-bank
Debit_ full_card nummber and pin that you use in local ATM Machine.
This is done for your peortction -j- because some of our
memmbers no loengr have acsces to their email adeedsrss
and we must verify it.

[link deleted]

To veerify your_ _EMAIL_ _address_ and akcess your Citi-Card
account, clik on_the_link below_.

bWaN344v posted by Carlton at 11:52 PM

CITING GEORGE ORWELL . . . AGAIN

Since we are living in times that constantly evoke the dystopia of a certain book with a numerical title, I thought that I would put up a quote from the book that has been running through my mind of late:

The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labor. War is a way of shattering to pieces, or pouring into the stratosphere, or sinking in the depths of the sea, materials which might otherwise be used to make the masses too comfortable, and hence, in the long run, too intelligent. Even when weapons of war are not actually destroyed, their manufacture is still a convenient way of expending labor power without producing anything that can be consumed.

. . .

In principle the war effort is always so planned as to eat up any surplus that might exist after meeting the bare needs of the population. In practice the needs of the population are always underestimated, with the result that there is a chronic shortage of half the necessities of life, but this is looked on as an advantage. It is deliberate policy to keep the favored groups somewhere near the brink of hardship, because a general state of scarcity increases the importance of small privileges and thus magnifies the distinction between one group and another.

How closely does this describe our current war? How closely does it describe the proposed Mars mission? (For God's sakes, let's hope it has SOME purpose.) Is it plausible to think that the aim of the administration (or whoever controls the administration) is really to transform us from a land of plenty to a land of scarcity, in which those of us in the general public cannot organize because we are too busy fighting over the scraps? posted by Carlton at 11:32 AM

NICHOLE

I have been trying to reach you for a while, but can't seem to do so. Send me an email at carltonwking@yahoo.com -- please! posted by Carlton at 4:20 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Speaking of famous assholes that we have met . . . . posted by Carlton at 8:19 PM

HUBBLE TROUBLE

This is of a piece with Bush's directive, that anything that doesn't support his new moon and mars missions is to be cut. So likely Hubble won't be the only thing that does deep space science that goes, and quite possibly some of the stuff that does near earth science will also be trashcanned (like for instance, all the stuff that provides data about that pesky global warming that isn't supposed to be really happening...)

The end of an era in deep space exploration draws to a close. The era of the total militarization of space dawns.

How 'bout that? posted by Carlton at 8:13 PM

OBSESSIONS

Do we remember when a certain person of our acquaintance was obsessed with breast milk? Wanted to try it? Make breast milk cheese? posted by Carlton at 8:11 PM

BEST PRISON CAMP MOVIES

1. Stalag 17
2. Bridge on the River Kwai
3. The Great Escape
4. Victory
5. Uh . . .

and then number LAST . . . Hart's War. posted by Carlton at 8:09 PM

HERO WORSHIP

Josh Marshall meets his hero.

UPDATE: Link fixed? posted by Carlton at 10:57 PM

NUMBERS NUMBERS

Recently the number in the "ten thousands" column of the amount that I
owe to the government in student loans went down by one. I admit, the
difference beween $70,000 and $69,999 (not the actual numbers) is
exactly $1, but it is psychologically significant nonetheless. Think of how
psychologically significant the $1 between $100,000 and $99,000 would
be. Luckily, I didn't have to actually borrow that kind of scratch.

I hate the student loans, though. I pay them very aggressively, even
though it probably doesn't make any sense to do so. When they are
finally gone, someday in the barely foreseeable future, I will dance a little
dance of joy.
posted by Carlton at 1:51 PM

CITY ON FIRE

Ever wonder what it would be like to drop a bomb on Washington D.C.?

All combustible materials illuminated by the fireball would spew fire and black smoke. Grass, vegetation, and leaves on trees would explode into flames; the surface of the ground would explode into superheated dust. Any flammable material inside buildings (paper, curtains, upholstery) that was directly exposed would burst into flame. The marble on the Lincoln and Jefferson memorials would crack, pop, and possibly evaporate. If the light from the fireball illuminated part of the bronze statue of Jefferson, its surface would melt.

Trees and telephone poles would recoil from the flaming gases. Birds in flight would drop from the sky in flames. The air would be filled with dust, fire, and smoke. Visitors at Arlington National Cemetery or the Lincoln or Jefferson memorials who were directly exposed to the fireball's light would be killed instantly. Others would not survive long.

It would take about four seconds after the detonation for the shockwave to arrive at the Lincoln and Jefferson memorials. They would collapse instantly. As the shockwave passed over, it would engulf all structures in high pressure and crush all but the strongest. The blast wave would generate ferocious winds of 300–400 miles per hour that would persist for about a second and a half.

Keep in mind that this is one bomb. The article notes that, at the height of the Cold War, we had 400 such bombs aimed at Moscow at any given moment. posted by Carlton at 9:55 PM

HEY

I have been meaning to post a couple of things, but I have been so sick. I fell ill on New Year's Eve -- the flu, I think -- and I am just now starting to feel human again. Good think I don't have to work, huh?

Thank goodness for Molly, who has been very Florence Nightingale-ish in my time of need.

posted by Carlton at 9:51 PM

UNTHINKABLE

So, where do the following statements rank on your Unthinkable-meter?

1. George Bush et al. actively allowed the 9/11 attacks in order to have their "Pearl Harbor moment" and implement their militaristic agenda.

2. George Bush et al. deliberately ignored pre 9/11 warnings of outgoing Clinton Administration officials and intelligence agencies of other nations relating to terrorism because of prejudice against Clinton as a person and internationalism in general.

3. George Bush et al. have no intention of capturing Osama bin Laden, as he is more useful as an enemy than as a prisoner.

4. Major points of the current administration's domestic agenda include: eliminating public schools of all types, eliminating publicly-funded health care of all types and eliminating Social Security.

5. The current administration intends to reinstate the draft immediately following Bush's re-election.

6. George W. Bush is so sheltered from current events by his handlers that he is honestly unaware of the opposition to his administration.

7. George W. Bush is not aware of the difference between Shi'ite and Sunni Muslims.

8. John Ashcroft, whose opponent in his last (unsuccessful) race for Senate in Missouri died shortly before the election in a mysterious small-plane crash, engineered the death via small-plane crash of the incumbent Democratic Minnesota Senator, Paul Wellstone, shortly before the 2002 election.

9. The current administration intended to wage war against Iraq at the time of the 2000 election.

10. The current administration intends to provoke a war with North Korea in a second term.

posted by Carlton at 12:34 PM